幽默
54 篇文章
幽默
社交媒体广告 vs. 现实：产后服装篇
许多人热衷于警告你怀孕带来的身体变化，却没人告诉你产后数月（甚至数年？！）会发生什么。
Social-Media Advertisements vs. Reality: Postpartum-Clothes Edition
Many people are eager to warn you of the body horrors caused by pregnancy, but no one tells you what’s going to happen in the months (maybe years?!) after birth.
幽默
如何打造有销路的深度
发布一些关于自我实现的、普世但最终毫无意义的模糊语录。例如，配上一张你拿着一根未点燃火柴的照片，写上“追随你自己的光”。
How to Be Deep in a Marketable Way
Post vague quotes about self-realization that are universal, but ultimately mean nothing. For instance, “Follow your own light,” with a picture of you holding an unlit match.
幽默
亲爱的佩珀：丈夫，你在听吗？是我，妻子
这些年来，我开始感觉自己像一件家具。
Dear Pepper: Are You There Husband? It’s Me, Wife
Over the years, I’ve begun to feel like a piece of furniture.
幽默
行动代号大竞猜！
“特朗普行动”、“第三次海湾战争行动”、“委内瑞拉2：原子狂想曲”及其他入围代号。
Operation Name That Excursion!
Operation Trump: The War, Operation Gulf War III, Operation Venezuela 2: Atomic Boogaloo, and other runners-up.
幽默
迈克尔·伊恩·布莱克加入漫画配文大赛
这位演员兼喜剧演员尝试为《纽约客》漫画配文。
Michael Ian Black Enters the Cartoon Caption Contest
The actor and comedian tries his hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.
幽默
我的会计师邮件：字面与潜台词
嗨，我是你爸的朋友比尔。我和你爸对你知之甚少，我们都不指望你能自己搞定报税。
The Text of E-Mails from My Accountant vs. the Subtext
Hi, your dad’s friend Bill here. Neither your father, nor I, knowing very little about you, have any confidence that you can be expected to handle filing your taxes by yourself.
幽默
在车里等时，用手机口述的诗
我十三岁的女儿需要一条参加婚礼的裙子，于是我们去了肖特山购物中心的Aritzia。
Poems Dictated to My Phone, Mostly While Waiting in My Car
My thirteen-year-old daughter needed a dress for a wedding, so we went to Aritzia in the Short Hills mall.
幽默
复古派主妇
我决定给我的孩子们做一款传统风味的果酱馅饼。我从任何传统食谱的第一步开始：尖叫。
The Trad-est Wife
I decided I would give my children a traditional spin on Pop-Tarts. I started with the first step of any traditional recipe: screaming.
幽默
概率计算器：你的朋友今晚放鸽子的几率
“我大概八点过一点就能到！”= 带上燕麦棒吧。你吃上第一口晚饭的时间会是晚上9点17分。
Probability Calculator: Chances That Your Friend Bails Tonight
“I’ll most likely be able to get there a little after 8!” = Bring granola bars. You’ll eat your first bite of dinner at 9:17 P.M.
幽默
“标题党”解码
“我如何在一周内将10美元变成100万美元！”实际含义：我极其缓慢地加了五个零和两个逗号。
Clickbait, Decoded
“I Turned $10 Into $1,000,000 in One Week—Here’s How!” What it actually means: I very slowly added five zeroes and two commas.
幽默
来自你最疏远阿姨的生日礼物指南
这绝对‘很玛雅’，因为据我上次听说，她住得不算远，开车就能到，所以我可能不用付运费。
A Birthday-Gift Guide by Your Most Absent Aunt
It totally screams “Maya,” because she’s within driving distance, last I heard, so I probably won’t have to pay for shipping.
幽默
我问了ChatGPT，这是它的回答
关心健康是如此重要，而你能想到来咨询，真是聪明之举！
I Asked ChatGPT and This Is What It Said
It’s so important to care about your health, and you’re so clever to check!
幽默
睫毛夹测评实录
天啊，这款睫毛夹绝不放过任何一根睫毛，连眼角最细微的睫毛都能完美卷翘。提拉、分离——效果全面。第一次使用时，我甚至看见了神迹。
Honest Eyelash-Curler Reviews
Dang, no lashes left behind with this curler. It even reaches those tiny corner lashes. Lifts, separates—the works. Also, the first time I used this curler, I saw God.
幽默
现代人的曲奇烘焙指南
且慢……你家里真的有防烫手套吗？
Baking Cookies as a Modern Human
Hold up . . . do you even own an oven mitt?
幽默
毕业学堂：《白鲸》读书会
今年是《白鲸》出版175周年——这部巨著最初问世于1851年。（为您省去计算之劳）集齐七件《白鲸》主题T恤每日轮换，是否算得上恰当？
Finishing School: The Moby-Dick Club
This year marks the hundred-and-seventy-fifth anniversary, or demisemiseptcentennial, of “Moby-Dick,” originally published in 1851. (Saving you the math.) Is it O.K. to have a “Moby-Dick” T-shirt for every day of the week?
幽默
微塑料的更多藏身之处
情绪低迷：他们不得不注意到网络讨论的整体氛围是消极的。
More Places Microplastics Can Be Found
In a funk: They couldn’t help but notice that the over-all vibe of the online chatter was negative.
幽默
这辆Waymo自动驾驶车是否比你更完美？
想想它初次尝试就能精准停入两线之间，而你终其一生都在社交、情感与物理层面扭曲自我以求适应。
Is This Waymo a Better Person Than You?
What about the time it parked perfectly between two lines on the first try, despite you having spent your entire life contorting to fit in—socially, emotionally, and physically?
幽默
公司新设团队支持空间
如需预约组织问题修复谈话，请联络员工效率团队，此类谈话建议在私密空间进行。
Our Company’s New Team Support Space
Please see the employee-efficiency team if you would like to schedule an organizational-issue-repair conversation, as those are best done in private.
幽默
爱为何物
当一个人连爱是什么都不知晓，又如何期待他寻得真爱？
What Is Love?
How do you expect someone to find love, when they don’t even know what love is?
幽默
你为何被视为迷人
若你坐在马桶上仍被认为迷人，请报警。你正被变态偷窥。或许该封堵浴室墙上的窥视孔了。
Why You’re Considered Attractive
If you are deemed attractive while sitting on the toilet, call the police. You are being spied on by a pervert. It might be time to plaster over the peephole in your bathroom wall.
幽默
当伴侣未察觉你情绪低落时
发出声响。大声地发出声响。想象你刚遇到一头熊。
What to Do When Your Spouse Doesn’t Notice You’re Down
Make noise. A lot of noise. Imagine you’ve just encountered a bear.
幽默
如何与手机分手
它知晓你的节奏、你的不安、你的快速眼动周期——你的全部周期。它让自己成为必需品，如今你们已无法彼此独立存在。
How to Break Up with Your Phone
He knows your rhythms, your insecurities, your REM cycle—your cycle. He’s made himself needed, and now you don’t exist without one another.
幽默
发现你兴趣的真相
你对烘焙的兴趣是虚假的，尽管对烘焙食品的热爱千真万确。
Discovering Where Your Interests Lie
Your interest in baking is a lie, although your interest in baked goods remains very much true.
幽默
美利坚！：曼达尼护目镜及其他理想主义短暂高涨期的热销产品
母性拉布布斯与奇形监控无人机现已上市。
America!: Mamdani Goggles and Other Products to Maximize a Brief Surge in Idealism
Maternal Labubus and whimsically shaped surveillance drones available now.