Annals of Science

Was Ray Howell Responsible for His Crimes?

雷·豪厄尔该为自己的罪行负责吗?
A small-town doctor’s abuse of power shocked his community and family. Then he was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition, leaving his culpability in doubt.
一位小镇医生滥用权力的行为震惊了他的社区和家人。随后,他被诊断出患有一种罕见的神经系统疾病,这让他的罪责变得难以确定。
A collage of a photograph in color and in blackandwhite with some text on the side.
Illustration by Vanessa Saba; Source materials courtesy Melynda Howell

In 1983, Ray Howell opened a family-medicine clinic among the tidy lawns of Roachdale, Indiana. Roachdale was a humble town, best known, perhaps, for hosting an annual cockroach race, and Howell had a humble mission: to make a dent in Indiana’s rural-doctor shortage. “Getting rich is at the very bottom of my list of reasons for wanting to become a physician,” he had written in a medical-school essay. Howell had envisaged Tri-County Family Medical Clinic as an informal place. He hugged and prayed with his patients and sometimes provided free care when they couldn’t pay. On his days off, Howell taught Sunday school, went on medical missions to Haiti, and was the team doctor for some of his children’s sports teams.

1983年,雷·豪厄尔在印第安纳州罗奇代尔整洁的草坪间开了一家家庭医学诊所。罗奇代尔是个不起眼的小镇,最出名的或许是一年一度的蟑螂赛跑,而豪厄尔的志向也很朴实:为缓解印第安纳州农村医生短缺的问题尽一份力。“在我想成为医生的原因里,发财排在最后一位,”他曾在医学院申请文书中写道。豪厄尔设想中的三县家庭医疗诊所是个不拘礼节的地方。他会拥抱病人,和他们一起祈祷,有时病人付不起钱,他就免费看病。休息日里,豪厄尔教主日学,去海地参加医疗传教,还给自己几个孩子所在的运动队当队医。

Evangelical, physician, family man: this is how Howell appeared to most of the Roachdale community on October 18, 2011, when he was arrested on charges of recklessly distributing controlled substances, often in exchange for sex. Howell eventually pleaded guilty to several charges, including one involving the death of a young man, and a Drug Enforcement Agency investigation linked his illicit activities to three other deaths. He was sentenced to four years in prison, one of several American physicians convicted of similar crimes involving sexual exploitation during an explosion in opioid-related deaths nationally. What makes Howell different from these other physicians is that Howell’s brain isn’t normal. It is so abnormal that it’s stored under neon lights in a refrigerated room at the University of California, San Francisco, and neurologists who have studied it are uncertain about who was responsible for these crimes: Ray Howell, or his disease. I know, because I’m one of them.

福音派信徒、医生、顾家男人:这就是2011年10月18日豪厄尔在罗奇代尔社区大多数人眼中的形象,直到那天他因被控肆意分发管制药物(通常以性作为交换)而被捕。豪厄尔最终对几项指控认罪,其中一项涉及一名年轻男子的死亡,而美国缉毒局的一项调查将他的非法活动与另外三起死亡事件联系起来。他被判处四年监禁,是全美因阿片类药物相关死亡人数激增期间,因涉及性剥削的类似罪行而被定罪的几名美国医生之一。豪厄尔与其他医生的不同之处在于,他的大脑不正常。它异常到被保存在加州大学旧金山分校一间开着霓虹灯的冷藏室里,研究过它的神经学家无法确定谁该为这些罪行负责:是雷·豪厄尔,还是他的疾病。我知道这一点,因为我就是他们中的一员。

Howell died in 2018, at age sixty-four, and I learned about him when I was a neurology resident at U.C.S.F. I reached out to Howell’s wife, Melynda, who invited me to Indiana. A few weeks later, she greeted me at the front door of her suburban home, where she lives with her daughter Caryn, her son-in-law, and four of her twenty-five grandchildren. Melynda is youthful, warm, and self-deprecating, with a gray bob, a soft voice, and a tendency to giggle. She met Ray when he was a high-school senior and she was a sophomore, and she still talks about him breathlessly, like a girl with a crush. “I loved his intellect,” she said, “because he was so much smarter than I was.”

豪厄尔于2018年去世,享年六十四岁。我是在加州大学旧金山分校做神经内科住院医师时了解到他的。我联系了豪厄尔的妻子梅琳达,她邀请我去印第安纳州。几周后,她在自己郊区的家门口迎接了我,她和女儿卡琳、女婿以及二十五个孙辈中的四个住在一起。梅琳达年轻、热情、自谦,留着灰色波波头,声音柔和,动不动就咯咯笑。她认识雷时,雷是高三学生,她是高二学生,如今谈起他,她仍然激动不已,像个怀春的少女。“我爱他的才智,”她说,“因为他比我聪明太多了。”

Ray had been born to older parents in Shoals, Indiana, in a house without indoor plumbing. In high school, he wore a pocket protector, and “he didn’t mind telling you that he knew things,” Melynda told me. Ray studied at the University of Evansville, and Melynda typed his essays for him, joking that the A’s were partly hers. When Ray was accepted to medical school, in 1976, it was mentioned in the Shoals newspaper. They married when Ray was twenty-one and Melynda was nineteen.

雷出生在印第安纳州肖尔斯一对年长父母的家中,那栋房子没有室内管道。高中时,他戴着口袋保护套,“他不介意让你知道他知道很多事情,”梅琳达告诉我。雷在埃文斯维尔大学读书,梅琳达帮他打论文,还开玩笑说那些A的成绩有一部分是她的。1976年雷被医学院录取时,肖尔斯的报纸还报道了这件事。他们结婚时,雷二十一岁,梅琳达十九岁。

Being married to Ray meant accommodating rigid habits. Every night, he consumed a baby aspirin; Vitamin D, E, and B-complex supplements; three almonds; honey; apple-cider vinegar; a cup of bran; one orange; one apple; one banana; two prunes; and a cup of yogurt. For exercise, he ran eight miles around a nearby lake. In extreme weather, rather than miss a day (which made him irritable), he ran inside the house—around the first floor, down the stairs, around the basement, up the stairs, then up to the top floor. He applied a similar intensity to his faith. He bought Bible-study notecards and studied until he had much of the book memorized. In the eighties, he became involved in medical missions after an initial trip to a hospital in a mountainous region of Haiti. He ultimately went on sixteen more mission trips. (Melynda helped him pack his supplements into special containers.)

嫁给雷意味着要适应他刻板的习惯。每晚,他都要吃一片婴儿阿司匹林;维生素D、E和B族复合补充剂;三颗杏仁;蜂蜜;苹果醋;一杯麸皮;一个橙子;一个苹果;一根香蕉;两颗西梅;还有一杯酸奶。为了锻炼,他绕着附近的一个湖跑八英里。在极端天气里,他宁可不缺一天(缺一天会让他烦躁),也要在屋里跑——绕过一楼,下楼梯,绕过地下室,上楼梯,再上到顶楼。他对信仰也投入了同样的强度。他买了圣经学习记事卡,一直学到能把大部分内容背下来。八十年代,他在第一次去海地山区一家医院后,开始参与医疗传教。他最终又去了十六次传教之旅。(梅琳达帮他把补充剂装进特制的容器里。)

There is a seventeen-year age spread between Ray and Melynda’s children: their first child, Kris, was born on Ray’s first day of medical school, then Mendy, Samantha, Caryn, Emilye, and Katye. As their family grew, Ray picked up shifts at urgent cares and local hospitals, but he still found time to help with homework and tuck the kids into bed. Even now, Melynda often refers to Ray as “Dad,” or “Daddy,” including when she spoke to me. That was Daddy. Always moving, always spreading the Lord’s word.

雷和梅琳达的孩子年龄跨度有十七岁:他们的第一个孩子克里斯出生在雷上医学院的第一天,然后是门迪、萨曼莎、卡琳、艾米莉和凯蒂。随着家庭壮大,雷在急诊中心和当地医院轮班,但他仍然抽出时间辅导孩子做作业,哄他们上床睡觉。直到现在,梅琳达提到雷时,常常称他为“爸爸”或“爹地”,包括她对我说话时也是如此。那就是爹地。总在忙碌,总在传播主的话语。

When I take a neurological history from my patients, I ask them to tell me about the first moment that something felt off. Most people, or their family members, can remember a change like that, and it can be a clue to the diagnosis: for Alzheimer’s, it can be repetitive questioning; for A.L.S., painless weakness. None of the Howells could pinpoint a moment. “It’s so hard to say, because my whole life he was just a quirky individual,” Caryn recalled. “I remember introducing him to my friends and being, like, ‘He’s kinda weird.’ ”

当我向病人采集神经科病史时,我会请他们告诉我,第一次感觉不对劲是什么时候。大多数人,或者他们的家人,都能记起那样的变化,而这可能是诊断的线索:对阿尔茨海默病来说,可能是反复提问;对渐冻症来说,可能是无痛的无力感。豪厄尔家没人能指出一个确切的时间点。“这太难说了,因为在我整个人生中,他一直就是个古怪的人,”卡琳回忆道。“我记得把他介绍给我的朋友们时,我会说,‘他有点怪。’”

In Ray’s forties, his obsessions became more irritating, but he remained on-theme: diet, exercise, religion. He filled up gallon-size milk jugs in the bathtub, drove them to work, and drank gallons of water each day. He photocopied pages on diet and exercise from health magazines and stored these in the car in grocery bags. Ray’s oldest child, Kris, continued to go to his dad for primary care as an adult, as did his wife and children. “He’d tell you exactly the same thing, every single visit,” Kris told me. “He passed out the same handouts every time.”

雷四十多岁时,他的执念变得更让人恼火,但主题没变:饮食、锻炼、宗教。他在浴缸里灌满一加仑装的牛奶罐,开车带去上班,每天喝好几加仑水。他把健康杂志上关于饮食和锻炼的文章复印下来,装在购物袋里放在车上。雷最大的孩子克里斯成年后仍去找他父亲看初级保健,他的妻子和孩子也是。“他每次都会告诉你一模一样的东西,”克里斯告诉我。“他每次都发同样的讲义。”

Ray’s daughter Samantha, recalled that Ray stopped wearing deodorant, believing it caused cancer. “The stench!” Samantha remembered. “I couldn’t breathe sometimes!” He got into a Qigong routine that included rhythmic patting of his body. “Oh, the body slapping,” Samantha said. “He would wake up early in the morning and go into the bathroom and just start slapping, slapping, slapping, all over his skin, legs, arm, belly, wherever all he could slap. It was so loud! Christmas morning at my Grandma Hardwick’s house, we were all sleeping and he woke us up at 5:30 a.m.”

雷的女儿萨曼莎回忆说,雷不再用除臭剂了,认为它会致癌。“那臭味!”萨曼莎回忆道。“有时候我都喘不过气来!”他迷上了一套气功,包括有节奏地拍打身体。“哦,那个拍打身体,”萨曼莎说。“他会一大早醒来,走进浴室,然后就开始拍打,拍打,拍打,拍遍全身,腿上、胳膊上、肚子上,只要能拍到的地方都拍。声音太大了!圣诞节早上在哈德威克外婆家,我们都在睡觉,他凌晨五点半就把我们吵醒了。”

Ray’s visits to Haiti had exposed him to vodou and sparked an interest in spiritual warfare—the idea that humans, knowingly or unknowingly, are participants in a battle between Christ and the Devil—and he began helping church members cast out evil spirits, anointing them with oil. Saturday mornings in the Howell home had long been a time for prayer together, but Ray started going down to the basement instead, to read the Bible alone. He annotated his personal copy in tiny script. Between the pages, he tucked small notecards with handwritten prayer lists, a hundred names on a single card. The way Melynda sees it, he was retreating “into the Bible, into God’s will.”

雷的海地之行让他接触到了伏都教,并激发了他对属灵争战的兴趣——这种观念认为,人类无论是否知晓,都参与了基督与魔鬼之间的一场战斗——他开始帮助教会成员赶出邪灵,用油膏抹他们。周六早上在豪厄尔家一直是全家一起祷告的时间,但雷开始改为去地下室,独自读圣经。他用极小的字迹在他那本私人圣经上做注释。在书页之间,他夹着小记事卡,上面手写着祷告名单,一张卡片上有一百个名字。在梅琳达看来,他是在退隐“到圣经里,到上帝的旨意中”。

By the early two-thousands, the model of the U.S. rural family doctor was becoming increasingly difficult to sustain, amid industry consolidation and administrative and technological requirements. Ray told Melynda that fewer patients were coming to Tri-County Medical, and many weren’t paying their bills. He ratcheted up his moonlighting—working at urgent cares across central Indiana on his days off—but the long hours left him exhausted and scatterbrained. One day, the local pharmacy called Kris, concerned about an antibiotic prescription Ray had given one of his children: “It was this crazy huge dosage,” he recalled. “Not even close to the amount that a child should be given.” Another time, Ray forgot to put the car in park and left his teen-age daughter, Katye, inside, asleep. She woke up as the car started rolling downhill, and had to climb into the driver’s seat.

到二十一世纪初,在行业整合以及行政和技术要求日益增长的情况下,美国农村家庭医生的模式变得越来越难以为继。雷告诉梅琳达,来三县医疗诊所的病人越来越少,而且很多人都不付账。他增加了兼职——休息日去印第安纳州中部的各个急诊中心工作——但长时间的工作让他筋疲力尽,丢三落四。有一天,当地药房打电话给克里斯,对雷开给他其中一个孩子的一张抗生素处方表示担忧:“那剂量大得离谱,”他回忆道。“跟一个孩子该用的量差得远了。”还有一次,雷忘了把车挂到停车挡,把他十几岁的女儿凯蒂留在车里睡觉。车开始往坡下滑时她醒了,不得不爬到驾驶座上。

Around 2007, Ray came to Melynda with a plan to save the clinic: he would specialize in pain management. Melynda opposed the idea, “Just the way it could go. The reputation that you would get.” The prescription-opioid epidemic was in full force in Indiana. But Ray had made up his mind, and Melynda couldn’t talk him down.

大约在2007年,雷找到梅琳达,提出了一个拯救诊所的计划:他将专攻疼痛管理。梅琳达反对这个主意,“就凭它可能走偏的方向。你会得到的那种名声。”当时,处方阿片类药物泛滥正席卷印第安纳州。但雷已经下定决心,梅琳达无法说服他。

Ray did his due diligence, hiring an addiction counsellor, administering urine drug tests, and completing a course in pain management. Despite these safeguards, the reality of administering a pain clinic during the opioid epidemic made its way to Tri-County Medical. Katye, who aspired to become a doctor like her father and worked at the clinic during high school, remembers Ray’s pager going off at all hours with desperate patients asking for early refills. In December, 2008, Ray hired a nurse with an expired nursing license who was later arrested and charged with stealing his blank prescription pads and prescribing opioids in his name, including to her boyfriend and brother. Then, in February, 2009, several pharmacists in Danville, Crawfordsville, and Connersville, a town two hours east, reported Ray to the D.E.A., noting that Ray’s own scripts contained large quantities of controlled substances and that his patients often attempted to get prescriptions filled early. A regional D.E.A. agent at the time went to Roachdale to investigate the case, and began collaborating with the Putnam County prosecutor, Tim Bookwalter. In the Tri-County Medical parking lot, there were cars that were registered in counties over a hundred miles away.

雷做了尽职调查,聘请了一位成瘾咨询师,进行尿液药物检测,并完成了一门疼痛管理课程。尽管有这些保障措施,在阿片类药物泛滥期间经营疼痛诊所的现实还是影响到了三县医疗诊所。凯蒂立志像父亲一样成为医生,高中时在诊所工作,她记得雷的寻呼机随时会响,都是绝望的病人要求提前续药。2008年12月,雷雇了一名护士,她的护士执照已过期,后来被捕并被指控偷窃他的空白处方笺,以他的名义开具阿片类药物,包括给她男友和兄弟。接着,2009年2月,丹维尔、克劳福兹维尔和康纳斯维尔(一个两小时车程以东的镇子)的几名药剂师向缉毒局举报了雷,指出雷自己开的处方中含有大量管制药物,而且他的病人经常试图提前取药。当时缉毒局的一名区域探员前往罗奇代尔调查此案,并开始与普特南县检察官蒂姆·布克沃尔特合作。在三县医疗诊所的停车场里,停着一些登记在百英里之外县城的车。

This led to a broader investigation. In April and May of 2009, the D.E.A. sent an undercover Indiana State Police officer into Ray’s clinic. According to the D.E.A. agent, she requested diet medications because she was tired and needed a “kick.” Without apparent medical justification, Ray prescribed her a Schedule IV weight-loss stimulant called Adipex, explained to her that it was comparable to amphetamine, and said it would treat her depression, although she hadn’t said she was depressed. The D.E.A. found that Ray’s annual prescriptions for controlled substances had nearly tripled between 2006 and 2009. The doses and frequencies were unusually high: one patient was prescribed fifty thirty-milligram oxycodone tablets per day, at least twenty times higher than the maximum daily dose recommended by the Centers for Disease Control, and a dose that would be high even for a patient with severe pain from metastatic cancer. In 2007, another patient filled seven prescriptions for ten to seventy tablets of hydrocodone in less than a month. Between 2006 and 2010, four of Ray’s patients died by overdose, including a thirty-three-year-old man named Rex Showalter.

这引发了一场更广泛的调查。2009年4月和5月,缉毒局派了一名印第安纳州警察的卧底进入雷的诊所。据缉毒局探员说,她要求开减肥药,因为她很累,需要“提提神”。在没有明显医学理由的情况下,雷给她开了一种名为Adipex的四级管制减肥兴奋剂,向她解释说这药与安非他明类似,并说可以治疗她的抑郁症,尽管她并未说过自己抑郁。缉毒局发现,雷每年开具的管制药物处方量在2006年至2009年间几乎翻了三倍。剂量和频率异常高:一名病人被处方每天服用五十片三十毫克的羟考酮,这至少比疾控中心建议的每日最大剂量高出二十倍,即使对患有转移性癌痛的重症病人来说,这个剂量也算高的。2007年,另一名病人在不到一个月的时间里,配了七张处方,每张含十到七十片氢可酮。2006年至2010年间,雷的四名病人死于药物过量,其中包括一名三十三岁的男子,名叫雷克斯·肖沃尔特。

Finally, in April, 2010, the D.E.A. raided Tri-County Medical and found a litany of incomplete records for the inflow and outflow of controlled substances. Ray eventually paid a sixty-five-thousand-dollar civil penalty for the record-keeping violations. In the background, Bookwalter, the county prosecutor, was also building a criminal case.

最终,在2010年4月,缉毒局突击搜查了三县医疗诊所,发现了一长串管制药物进出记录不完整的问题。雷最终为这些记录违规支付了六万五千美元的民事罚款。与此同时,县检察官布克沃尔特也在暗中构建一桩刑事案件。

By the fall of 2010, Ray, unaware of Bookwalter’s mounting case, seemed weary and preoccupied with his clinical demands and financial trouble. Then, over her school’s winter break, Katye decided to work at the clinic again. One day, a clinic nurse pulled her aside and told her that Ray was sleeping with a patient.

到2010年秋天,雷对布克沃尔特日益增多的指控毫不知情,他显得疲惫不堪,一心扑在临床工作和财务困境上。后来,在学校寒假期间,凯蒂决定再次去诊所工作。一天,一名诊所护士把她拉到一边,告诉她雷在跟一个病人上床。

Melynda doesn’t remember how she found out about this allegation—“I’ve blocked out so many of those kinds of memories”—but she acknowledges that Ray had been unfaithful to her for decades. His first affairs had been soon after they married, Melynda remembers; he had expressed remorse, and she forgave him. Then, in the nineties, he had an affair with one of his patients. “Ray was a very kind person, and he was very good at listening, and I think they took that as being flirtatious or being interested in them,” Melynda remembered. “But nevertheless, it was wrong, you know, totally wrong.”

梅琳达不记得自己是怎么得知这个指控的了——“我屏蔽了太多那类记忆”——但她承认,雷几十年来一直对她不忠。梅琳达记得,他第一次出轨是在他们结婚后不久;他表达了悔意,她原谅了他。后来,在九十年代,他和他的一个病人有了婚外情。“雷是个非常和善的人,非常善于倾听,我想她们把这当成了调情或是对她们感兴趣,”梅琳达回忆道。“但不管怎样,那是错的,你知道,完全错了。”

Now, with another allegation of Ray sleeping with a patient, Melynda again stood by him. She remembers the tension taking a toll on him: “You could just see him crumble.”

现在,面对又一个雷与病人上床的指控,梅琳达再次站在了他身边。她记得这种紧张关系让他付出了代价:“你眼看着他整个人都垮了。”

In February, 2011, Ray came to Melynda with an article from one of his health journals. It was about frontotemporal dementia, a disease in which proteins build up and damage cells in the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain, causing socially inappropriate behavior, including, in some cases, sexual behavior. Ray said to Melynda, “I think this is what I have.” Melynda assumed this was just an excuse.

2011年2月,雷拿着一本健康杂志上的一篇文章来找梅琳达。文章是关于额颞叶痴呆的,这是一种蛋白质在大脑额叶和颞叶积聚并损害细胞的疾病,会导致社交不当行为,在某些情况下包括性行为。雷对梅琳达说:“我觉得我得的就是这个病。”梅琳达认为这不过是个借口。

Ray continued to work. That spring, some Tri-County Medical staff told Melynda that Ray seemed to be hearing voices. At home, he became chatty and volatile; once, he couldn’t figure out how to open the door to a closet and ripped it off its hinges. In May, Ray had what Melynda called a “breakdown.” He was talking continuously, “like the two-year-old that just would not leave your side,” Melynda remembered. She and Kris took Ray to a behavioral-health center, where she says he was evaluated and placed in an intensive outpatient program for one week. He received cognitive testing that revealed memory impairment and “severe general emotional distress.” He was prescribed antidepressants, and a neuropsychologist raised the possibility of either F.T.D. or early Alzheimer’s disease, recommending further evaluation by a neurologist. Ray wrote on a paper copy of his neuropsychology report, circling and underlining. He put three asterisks next to the line: “Current results indicate that treatment of his depression and stress should be the primary focus of initial intervention.” At the top of the report, Ray wrote a note to his primary-care doctor: “Mark, thanks so much, look this over—if you think I’d be better off seeing a neurologist or a psychiatrist, let me or Melynda know.”

雷继续工作。那年春天,三县医疗诊所的一些员工告诉梅琳达,雷似乎听到了幻听。在家里,他变得话多且情绪不稳;有一次,他弄不明白怎么打开壁橱门,竟把门从铰链上扯了下来。五月,雷经历了梅琳达所说的“崩溃”。他不停地说话,“就像一个两岁小孩,就是不肯离开你身边,”梅琳达回忆道。她和克里斯带雷去了一家行为健康中心,她说他在那里接受了评估,并被安排参加了一个为期一周的强化门诊项目。他接受了认知测试,显示出记忆障碍和“严重的普遍情绪困扰”。医生给他开了抗抑郁药,一位神经心理学家提出了额颞叶痴呆或早期阿尔茨海默病的可能性,建议由神经科医生进一步评估。雷在他那份神经心理学报告的纸质副本上圈圈画画,划了下划线。他在这样一行字旁边打了三个星号:“当前结果表明,治疗他的抑郁和压力应是初始干预的主要焦点。”在报告顶部,雷给他的初级保健医生写了一张便条:“马克,非常感谢,看看这个——如果你觉得我去看神经科医生或精神科医生更好,告诉我或梅琳达。”

Katye and Melynda worried about Ray’s capacity to practice medicine, so, from May to July, 2011, they decided that Katye would once again join Ray at the office, this time “to protect him and protect other people,” Katye told me. She started going into exam rooms with Ray. “I think, looking back on that summer, we definitely shouldn’t have let him practice,” she said. “But we didn’t know. The doctor didn’t tell us to not let him practice, and we trusted the doctors.”

凯蒂和梅琳达担心雷行医的能力,所以,从2011年5月到7月,她们决定让凯蒂再次去诊所陪着雷,这次是“为了保护他,也为了保护别人,”凯蒂告诉我。她开始跟着雷进诊室。“现在回想那个夏天,我觉得我们绝对不该让他继续行医,”她说。“但我们当时不知道。医生没告诉我们不让他行医,而我们信任医生。”

Finally, that August, Ray’s office staff contacted one of his doctors, who reported him to the Indiana State Medical Association. He was required to see a geriatric psychiatrist, who noted that Ray’s parents had died of dementia, one of Ray’s brothers had Alzheimer’s, one paternal uncle had been committed to an “insane asylum,” and several male cousins did prison time. The psychiatrist’s impression was that Ray, too, likely had some familial dementia, possibly Alzheimer’s disease. I reviewed the psychiatrist’s report. “Even though he scored in the mild to moderate range on screening tests, his neuropsychological test results and family history are quite ominous,” he wrote. “He has manifested impaired judgment, poor professional boundaries, odd behavior and personality changes for several years. Rather than confronting the problems and seeking medical evaluation, his wife and office staff have essentially covered for him . . . Dr. Howell should not continue to practice medicine in any manner.”

终于,那年八月,雷的办公室员工联系了他的一位医生,这位医生向印第安纳州医学协会举报了他。他被要求去看一位老年精神科医生,这位医生注意到雷的父母都死于痴呆症,雷的一个兄弟患有阿尔茨海默病,一个叔叔曾被送进“精神病院”,还有几个堂兄弟坐过牢。这位精神科医生的印象是,雷很可能也患有某种家族性痴呆,可能是阿尔茨海默病。我查阅了这位精神科医生的报告。“尽管他在筛查测试中得分在轻度到中度范围,但他的神经心理学测试结果和家族史相当不祥,”他写道。“几年来,他表现出判断力受损、职业界限不清、行为古怪和人格改变。他的妻子和办公室员工非但没有正视问题并寻求医学评估,反而基本上替他打了掩护……豪厄尔医生不应再以任何方式行医。”

At the psychiatrist’s recommendation, Ray closed Tri-County Medical. Soon after, Ray’s medical license was suspended by the state of Indiana. Life was dramatically better for the Howells after the clinic was closed. “There was this feeling of relief,” Melynda recalled. “This is what’s wrong with Daddy.” Melynda took away Ray’s car keys. When she left for work, she would set him up with lists of activities—“busy work,” she called it. The whole thing was sad, she said, but it was manageable. Then, just two weeks after the office closed, Melynda came home, and Ray wasn’t there. She got in the car and drove around the nearby lake, afraid that Ray had drowned himself. Finally, she got a call. Ray had been arrested at their home earlier that day.

在精神科医生的建议下,雷关闭了三县医疗诊所。不久之后,雷的行医执照被印第安纳州吊销。诊所关闭后,豪厄尔一家的生活明显好转。“有一种如释重负的感觉,”梅琳达回忆道。“这就是爸爸出问题的原因。”梅琳达收走了雷的车钥匙。她出门上班时,会给他列好活动清单——“我叫它‘忙活’,”她说。她说,整件事令人悲伤,但尚可应付。然而,就在诊所关闭两周后,梅琳达回到家,雷却不在。她开车绕着附近的湖转,担心雷投湖自尽了。最后,她接到一个电话。雷当天早些时候在他们家中被捕了。

On October 18, 2011, Ray was booked into the Putnam County Jail on fifteen felony counts. Three involved furnishing false or fraudulent records for controlled substances. The other twelve were of “recklessly, knowingly, or intentionally” distributing or dispensing controlled substances—at times, to manipulate his patients into having sex.

2011年10月18日,雷被关进普特南县监狱,面临十五项重罪指控。其中三项涉及提供虚假或伪造的管制药物记录。另外十二项是“鲁莽地、明知地或故意地”分发或配发管制药物——有时是为了操纵病人发生性关系。

Three women interviewed in an affidavit described having penetrative or oral sex with Ray. He was prescribing each of them narcotics, benzodiazepines, stimulants, or some combination of the three. Several other women described Ray making sexual advances: hugs, back rubs, kisses on the lips, or suggestions that they masturbate to relieve their anxiety. When I spoke with Bookwalter, the prosecutor, he remembered the women’s stories as disturbingly repetitive. “We found this pattern,” he told me. “As they got on the drugs, he would up the prescriptions. They would become very dependent on him. They called themselves ‘almost zombies’ after a while. And in most cases, he would become sexually aggressive. He would kiss, he would give rubs on their bottoms, bodies, he would get erections.” Sometimes, God would come up, Bookwalter told me, adding that Ray once told a patient that God wanted him to impregnate her.

一份宣誓证词中受访的三名女性描述了与雷发生插入式或口交性行为。雷给她们每个人都开了麻醉药、苯二氮卓类药物、兴奋剂,或是这三者的某种组合。其他几名女性描述了雷的性挑逗:拥抱、背部按摩、亲吻嘴唇,或是建议她们通过自慰来缓解焦虑。我和检察官布克沃尔特交谈时,他记得这些女性的故事重复得令人不安。“我们发现了这种模式,”他告诉我。“随着她们对药物上瘾,他就会增加处方量。她们会变得非常依赖他。过了一段时间,她们称自己‘几乎成了僵尸’。而且在大多数情况下,他会变得性侵犯。他会亲吻,会揉搓她们的臀部、身体,他会勃起。”布克沃尔特告诉我,有时上帝也会被提及,并补充说雷曾告诉一个病人,上帝想让他使她怀孕。

One of the women was pregnant while under Ray’s care. During her visits, he gave her hugs and backrubs, touched her backside, and eventually attempted to kiss her, while escalating her prescriptions for oxycodone, oxycontin, and morphine. Later, the woman’s daughter was born with opiate dependence and had to stay in the hospital for several months after birth. Another patient, who later testified, stood out for the degree of entanglement with Ray. At first, she told the court, Ray was just managing her migraines and hypertension. Then he gave her escalating doses of oxycodone and oxycontin, and “started giving me hugs.” Ray began calling her on the phone, and would say that “a way to relieve stress was through masturbation. He talked about that and he said that he would be able to do it in his office,” she said. “We ended up in a hotel room. Or sometimes we would meet and he would prescribe me drugs at Subway.” The doses got higher, and he also started her on morphine. “He said at one point we were spiritually married,” she said. The relationship lasted almost a year.

其中一名女性在雷的照护期间怀孕了。在她就诊时,雷会拥抱她、给她揉背、触摸她的臀部,最终试图亲吻她,同时不断增加她的羟考酮、奥施康定和吗啡处方量。后来,这名女性的女儿出生时患有阿片类药物依赖,出生后不得不在医院住了好几个月。另一名后来作证的病人,因与雷的纠葛之深而格外引人注目。起初,她告诉法庭,雷只是治疗她的偏头痛和高血压。后来他给她开了越来越大剂量的羟考酮和奥施康定,并“开始拥抱我”。雷开始给她打电话,并会说“缓解压力的一种方式是通过自慰。他谈到这个,还说他在办公室里就能做到,”她说。“我们最终去了酒店房间。或者有时我们会见面,他会在赛百味给我开药。”剂量越来越高,他还开始给她用吗啡。“有一次他说我们在灵里是夫妻了,”她说。这段关系持续了将近一年。

Linda Showalter, whose thirty-three-year-old son Rex had died in February, 2010, had been worried that Ray was giving Rex too much medication. “He was sitting around falling asleep all the time,” Linda told me. She encouraged her son to go to rehab, which he did. Weeks later, however, he went back to Howell, who prescribed him methadone, oxycodone, and Xanax. Rex died from aspiration and multiple-drug ingestion four days later, according to an affidavit. “He didn’t overdose,” Showalter testified. “He took the prescriptions that this guy prescribed for him.”

琳达·肖沃尔特三十三岁的儿子雷克斯于2010年2月去世,她一直担心雷给雷克斯开了太多药。“他整天坐在那里打瞌睡,”琳达告诉我。她鼓励儿子去戒毒所,他去了。然而,几周后,他又回去找豪厄尔,豪厄尔给他开了美沙酮、羟考酮和阿普唑仑。根据一份宣誓证词,雷克斯四天后死于误吸和多种药物摄入。“他不是过量吸毒,”肖沃尔特作证说。“他服用了这家伙给他开的处方药。”

“In thirty years, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Bookwalter, the prosecutor, said about the extent of Ray’s crimes. “Nothing before or after. Hope I never do again, too.”

“三十年来,我从没见过这样的事,”检察官布克沃尔特谈到雷罪行的严重程度时说。“之前没有,之后也没有。希望我以后再也不会见到了。”

One morning, Melynda brought me to the basement to go through a box she had found that contained Ray’s personal archives: a scrapbook with news stories about his time in Haiti; his medical-school essays. Improbably, and unbeknownst to Melynda, the box contained a clue into Ray’s mental state at the time of his crimes: a microcassette recorder, with a cassette inside. Melynda didn’t know how to operate the recorder, so I helped her turn it on.

一天早上,梅琳达带我到地下室,去翻一个她找到的箱子,里面装着雷的个人档案:一本剪贴簿,贴着他去海地时的新闻报道;他的医学院申请文书。令人意想不到的是,箱子里还藏着一个梅琳达不知道的、关于雷犯罪时精神状态的线索:一台微型录音机,里面有一盘磁带。梅琳达不会操作录音机,于是我帮她打开了。

Ray’s voice filled the room, quick and precise, with a Hoosier twang. Melynda sighed, hearing him again. “It’s such a strong voice,” she said. “I haven’t heard that strong Ray voice for a long time.”

雷的声音充满了房间,快速而精准,带着印第安纳州的口音。再次听到他的声音,梅琳达叹了口气。“这声音真有力量,”她说。“我好久没听到雷这么有力的声音了。”

“Medications,” Ray was saying, “Elavil twenty-five, one qHS chronic pain, methadone ten to forty, two four times twenty-four hours chronic-pain control, oxycodone thirty-one eighty-one after one, Q less than or equal to four times twenty-four hours PRN breakthrough pain, Xanax four milligrams sixty one two times a day.” The numbers Ray was dictating were not standard doses. “Counselled patient regarding diagnosis, need for follow-up, weight reduction, mind-body exercise, compliance with medication, risks and benefits of controlled substances, including M.V.A., falls, constipation, sedation, and death.” There was a click, then Ray continued. “In summary, it would seem to me, since it was stated by one of the parents that the patient had been quote ‘on the verge’ unquote of doing this for several years, and also, if you look at my office notes, he was actually on less medicine at the time of his death than he had been previously, and actually had been on this same dose of medicine for several years dating back to 2007, I feel that his death could be regarded as an almost inevitable occurrence.” Soon, the tape popped, hummed, then clicked off.

“药物,”雷在说,“盐酸阿米替林二十五毫克,每晚一片,用于慢性疼痛,美沙酮十到四十毫克,两片,二十四小时内四次,用于慢性疼痛控制,羟考酮三十毫克,八十一粒,一次一片,二十四小时内不超过四次,按需用于突破性疼痛,阿普唑仑四毫克,六十粒,一次一片,一天两次。”雷口述的这些数字并非标准剂量。“已就诊断、随访需求、减重、身心锻炼、用药依从性、管制药物的风险和益处(包括机动车事故、跌倒、便秘、镇静和死亡)对患者进行了咨询。”咔哒一声,雷继续说道。“总而言之,在我看来,既然其中一位家长声称该患者‘处于边缘’已有数年,而且,如果你看我的门诊记录,他去世时服用的药物实际上比以前少,并且实际上自2007年以来一直服用这同一剂量,我觉得他的死亡几乎可以被视为一个不可避免的事件。”很快,磁带弹了出来,嗡嗡作响,然后咔哒一声关掉了。

Melynda and I sat in silence at the basement table. We stared at the tape, then at each other. “So that had to deal with—” Melynda started. She didn’t have to say Rex Showalter’s name. (Linda Showalter later told me that neither she nor her husband had ever said Rex was on the verge of overdose.)

梅琳达和我静静地坐在地下室桌旁。我们盯着磁带,然后面面相觑。“所以那肯定是关于——”梅琳达开口说。她不必说出雷克斯·肖沃尔特的名字。(琳达·肖沃尔特后来告诉我,她和丈夫从未说过雷克斯处于过量服药的边缘。)

“I don’t know why this is in my possession,” Melynda was saying. “You could tell in the very beginning it was that strong Dr. Howell voice.” But she said she could hear it change into a voice that signalled, “I’m fighting, because I did nothing wrong.”

“我不知道这东西怎么在我手里,”梅琳达说。“你从一开始就能听出那是豪厄尔医生有力的声音。”但她说她能听出这声音变成了另一种声音,那声音在说,“我在抗争,因为我没做错任何事。”

Samantha was watching television one day in early 2012, a few months after her dad’s arrest. Charlie Rose was interviewing a panel of neurologists including Bruce Miller, an expert on F.T.D. at the University of California, San Francisco, and the neurologist who told me about Howell. “I watched this whole episode,” Samantha recalled, “and it was, like, ‘These people are all talking about my dad.’ ” In April, 2012, in the midst of his criminal case, the family petitioned the court to be able to fly Ray to San Francisco to enroll him in dementia research at U.C.S.F’s Memory and Aging Center.

2012年初,也就是父亲被捕几个月后的一天,萨曼莎正在看电视。查理·罗斯正在采访一个神经学家小组,其中包括布鲁斯·米勒,他是加州大学旧金山分校研究额颞叶痴呆的专家,也是告诉我豪厄尔情况的那位神经学家。“我看了整期节目,”萨曼莎回忆道,“感觉就像是,‘这些人都在谈论我爸爸。’”2012年4月,在雷的刑事案件审理期间,家人向法院申请,希望能带雷飞到旧金山,让他加入加州大学旧金山分校记忆与衰老中心的痴呆症研究。

F.T.D. is one of the most common causes of early-onset dementia. Abnormal bits of protein clump together inside brain cells in the frontal and temporal lobes, causing those cells to die. The most prevalent form of F.T.D. is the behavioral variant (bvF.T.D.), which disconnects brain networks that integrate sensory and emotional information, weigh reward and punishment, and select the most socially appropriate behavior from available options. Damage to these networks can result in impaired moral behavior, but with preserved moral knowledge. In other words, patients may know when their actions are morally wrong or inappropriate, but they can’t stop themselves from acting wrongly. They often become self-centered, pleasure-seeking, and unconcerned with the consequences of their actions. One study of U.C.S.F’s patients, co-led by Miller, found an association between bvF.T.D. and unlawful behavior: roughly thirty-seven per cent of patients with the disease had engaged in crime, commonly theft, traffic violations, and unwanted sexual advances, compared to roughly eight per cent of patients with Alzheimer’s and three per cent of those with mild cognitive impairment.

额颞叶痴呆是早发性痴呆最常见的原因之一。异常的蛋白质碎片在额叶和颞叶的脑细胞内聚集,导致这些细胞死亡。最常见的额颞叶痴呆形式是行为变异型,它会断开整合感觉和情感信息、权衡奖励与惩罚、并从可用选项中选出最符合社交规范行为的大脑网络。这些网络受损可能导致道德行为受损,但道德认知却保留下来。换句话说,患者可能知道自己的行为在道德上是错误或不当的,但他们无法阻止自己做出错误行为。他们常常变得以自我为中心、追求享乐,并且不在乎自己行为的后果。由米勒共同领导的一项针对加州大学旧金山分校患者的研究发现,行为变异型额颞叶痴呆与违法行为之间存在关联:大约37%的该病患者曾从事犯罪活动,常见的是盗窃、交通违规和不受欢迎的性挑逗,相比之下,阿尔茨海默病患者中这一比例约为8%,轻度认知障碍患者中约为3%。

At U.C.S.F., Ray, now fifty-seven, was found to have abnormal memory, learning, and decision-making, and an MRI of his brain showed volume loss in the parietal lobes, a finding suggestive but not confirmatory of Alzheimer’s disease. When I asked Miller about his team’s assessment of Ray, he remembered disagreement. “Some thought he was a sociopath with no pathology, some thought he had mild Alzheimer’s dementia and was easily manipulated, and a few of us thought he had F.T.D., although we didn’t have strong evidence for it. Even for a center that focusses on F.T.D., it wasn’t really clear.” Still, they wrote down a tentative diagnosis of F.T.D. And, because of Ray’s family history of dementia, they sent DNA samples off for genetic testing.

在加州大学旧金山分校,现年五十七岁的雷被发现存在异常的记忆、学习和决策能力,他的脑部核磁共振成像显示顶叶体积缩小,这一发现提示但无法确诊阿尔茨海默病。当我问米勒他的团队对雷的评估时,他记得当时存在分歧。“有些人认为他是个没有病理改变的反社会者,有些人认为他患有轻度阿尔茨海默病痴呆,容易被操纵,而我们中的少数人认为他患有额颞叶痴呆,尽管我们没有强有力的证据。即使对于一个专注于额颞叶痴呆的中心来说,情况也不是很清楚。”尽管如此,他们还是写下了额颞叶痴呆的初步诊断。并且,由于雷有痴呆家族史,他们将DNA样本送去进行基因检测。

Weeks later, Miller wrote to the court, revealing that Ray’s genetic test came back positive for a hexanucleotide-repeat-expansion mutation in the gene C9orf72, a major cause of both inherited A.L.S. and F.T.D. By age eighty, about two-thirds of people with this type of mutation develop A.L.S. or dementia. Among those with F.T.D, half have symptoms by age fifty-eight.

几周后,米勒致信法院,透露雷的基因检测结果显示C9orf72基因存在六核苷酸重复扩增突变呈阳性,这是遗传性渐冻症和额颞叶痴呆的一个主要原因。到八十岁时,携带这种突变的人中约有三分之二会发展成渐冻症或痴呆。在那些患有额颞叶痴呆的人中,一半在五十八岁前出现症状。

Ray’s workup and sentencing happened to occur during a moment of peak optimism in the field of neurolaw. Some proponents of criminal-justice reform hoped that emerging neuroscientific research into human decision-making would revolutionize criminal law, by challenging legal norms that generally presume human actions to be conscious and voluntary. Neurolaw was the subject of a cover story of the Times Magazine in March, 2007. References to the use of neuroscientific evidence in published U.S. criminal-defense opinions roughly quadrupled between 2005 and 2015.

雷的病情检查和量刑恰好发生在神经法学领域乐观情绪达到顶峰的时期。一些刑事司法改革的支持者希望,新兴的关于人类决策的神经科学研究能彻底改变刑法,挑战那些通常假定人类行为是有意识和自愿的法律规范。2007年3月,《纽约时报杂志》的一篇封面故事就是以神经法学为主题。2005年至2015年间,已公布的美国刑事辩护意见中引用神经科学证据的情况大约翻了两番。

Ray’s lawyer seized the moment, and crafted the defense around Ray’s new F.T.D. diagnosis. But Bookwalter, the prosecutor, was skeptical. As he described it, Ray was clearly competent to stand trial. He looked “too good” to have dementia. “Very articulate, very bright guy, very well spoken. Almost kind of irritated.” Plus, Bookwalter argued, the time line didn’t add up. The D.E.A. had found out about Ray’s history of infidelity, and had interviewed a female patient who had described having an affair with Ray while he prescribed escalating doses of pain medications way back in the nineteen-nineties. (Melynda couldn’t remember if this was the same woman she had described Ray having an affair with.) The D.E.A. had also documented Ray’s overprescribing in 2005, years before anyone noticed signs of dementia. Even if Ray had dementia now, he didn’t start with dementia and progress to ethical violations and criminal behavior—he progressed from ethical violations to criminal behavior to dementia. His tendency to abuse his professional power was a character trait, Bookwalter argued, not a disease.

雷的律师抓住了这个时机,围绕雷新诊断出的额颞叶痴呆来构建辩护。但检察官布克沃尔特持怀疑态度。正如他所描述的,雷显然有能力接受审判。他看起来“太好了”,不像是得了痴呆。“非常善于表达,非常聪明的一个人,口才极好。甚至有点恼怒的样子。”此外,布克沃尔特辩称,时间线对不上。缉毒局发现了雷不忠的历史,并约谈了一名女性患者,她描述了自己与雷有染,同时雷早在九十年代就给她开了不断升级剂量的止痛药。(梅琳达不记得这是否就是她提到过的与雷有染的那个女人。)缉毒局还记录了雷在2005年就存在过度开药的行为,比任何人注意到痴呆迹象早了好几年。即使雷现在患有痴呆,他也不是从痴呆开始,然后发展到违反道德和犯罪行为——他是从违反道德发展到犯罪行为,再到痴呆。布克沃尔特辩称,他滥用职业权力的倾向是一种性格特征,而不是一种疾病。
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Photograph courtesy Melynda Howell

In the American legal system, people can be convicted of a crime provided that they had the mental state, or mens rea, required to commit the crime at the time of the act. What’s counterintuitive for a neurologist like me is that neuroscience has little role in determining mens rea. As Stephen J. Morse, a professor of law and psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania explains, it’s a legal concept that relies on “folk psychology” to explain behavior: interpreting actions in terms of beliefs, desires, intentions, and so on, not in terms of neurobiological mechanisms, like protein deposition or neurotransmitter levels. Courts infer mens rea from defendants’ actions, statements, and the circumstances surrounding the crime. Modern neuroscience, Morse argues, is not able to definitively determine whether someone acted with mens rea. Functional neuroimaging can capture neural signals associated with simple intentions (like intending to move a finger) and can distinguish between certain stimuli-induced brain activity (like neural patterns in response to monetary rewards, as opposed to erotic images). But these tools cannot decode the spontaneous, specific content of an individual’s intentions or desires. Put in philosophical terms, neuroscience can show crude correlates of certain mental states, but not the “qualia”—the felt sense of knowing, desiring, experiencing. For now, qualia are intrinsically private.

在美国法律体系中,只要一个人在行为发生时具有犯罪所需的心理状态,即犯罪意图,就可以被定罪。对于像我这样的神经科医生来说,违反直觉的是,神经科学在确定犯罪意图方面几乎不起作用。正如宾夕法尼亚大学法学和精神病学教授斯蒂芬·J·莫尔斯所解释的,这是一个法律概念,它依赖于“民间心理学”来解释行为:用信念、欲望、意图等术语来解释行为,而不是用神经生物学机制,如蛋白质沉积或神经递质水平。法院从被告的行为、陈述以及犯罪相关情况来推断犯罪意图。莫尔斯认为,现代神经科学无法明确判定一个人的行为是否具有犯罪意图。功能性神经影像可以捕捉与简单意图(如打算动一根手指)相关的神经信号,并能区分某些刺激诱发的大脑活动(如对金钱奖励的神经反应模式,与对色情图像的反应模式不同)。但这些工具无法解码个体意图或欲望的自发、具体内容。用哲学术语来说,神经科学可以显示某些心理状态的粗略关联物,但无法显示“感质”——那种知道、渴望、体验的感觉本身。就目前而言,感质本质上是私密的。

Because neurobiological evidence can be seen as especially objective by a jury, even when its application to a specific case is uncertain, judges may be cautious about admitting it. The defense must argue how a neurobiological abnormality, associated at a population level with certain behavior, generated or enabled a specific criminal act by a specific individual. In Ray’s case, C9orf72 mutations can cause bvF.T.D., and bvF.T.D. is associated with criminal behavior, but there is no gene for overprescribing opiates and sleeping with patients.

由于神经生物学证据可能被陪审团视为特别客观,即使其在具体案件中的应用尚不确定,法官可能会对采纳此类证据持谨慎态度。辩方必须论证,一种在群体层面上与某种行为相关的神经生物学异常,是如何产生或促成了某个特定个体的特定犯罪行为。在雷的案件中,C9orf72突变可以导致行为变异型额颞叶痴呆,而行为变异型额颞叶痴呆与犯罪行为相关,但不存在一个专门导致过度开具阿片类药物和与病人上床的基因。

Ray’s lawyer and Melynda encouraged Ray to enter a plea agreement, assuming that Ray would receive a light sentence. After all, he was no longer a threat to society: he had lost his medical license and his practice, and his disease would eventually be fatal. Ray pleaded guilty to five of the fifteen felony counts, including one involving sex with a patient to whom he had prescribed escalating doses of benzodiazepines. But the family’s calculus proved wrong. The judge sentenced Ray to four years in prison and two years of probation. Ray was transported to Plainfield Correctional Facility to serve his term.

雷的律师和梅琳达鼓励雷接受认罪协议,以为雷会得到轻判。毕竟,他不再对社会构成威胁:他失去了行医执照和诊所,而且他的疾病最终将是致命的。雷对十五项重罪指控中的五项认罪,其中包括一项涉及与一名病人发生性关系,他曾给该病人开了不断升级剂量的苯二氮卓类药物。但豪厄尔家的如意算盘打错了。法官判处雷四年监禁和两年缓刑。雷被送往普兰菲尔德惩教所服刑。

Even Bookwalter, the prosecutor, acknowledges that prison may have been too harsh for Ray: “He went downhill quick.” Soon after Ray arrived at Plainfield, his quiet dialogue with voices turned into full-blown psychosis. Once, Samantha saw him eating the styrofoam packaging from a sandwich.

就连检察官布克沃尔特也承认,对雷来说,监禁可能过于严厉了:“他很快就垮了。”雷到达普兰菲尔特后不久,他与幻听之间安静的对话就变成了全面的精神病发作。有一次,萨曼莎看到他在吃三明治的泡沫塑料包装。

Ray was eventually moved to a correctional facility that had an in-house infirmary. Sometimes, when his family visited, they would find him standing up on his mattress, naked. He stopped eating and rapidly lost weight. Prison medical records document his behavior with clinical neutrality: “Client believes he is being judged for heinous deeds and stands for hours in judgment . . .” Another document said that he “remains delusional with religious themes of pittance and persecution for all his mundane ill-doings. Will stand straight and rigid in the imaginary delusional ‘lake of fire awaiting angels to rescue me.’ Will voice from time to time visual hallucinations of redeeming angels, beams of light from heaven, or other heavenly creatures/person . . . Sleeps on the floor vs. the bed mat. When bed frame provided . . . voiced intent to practice ‘falling backwards’ . . . to test whether he would be caught by angels. If caught, he was redeemed.’ ” Except for his dialogue with the voices, Ray rarely spoke.

雷最终被转移到一个设有内部医务室的惩教机构。有时,家人去探望他时,会发现他赤身裸体地站在床垫上。他停止进食,体重迅速下降。监狱医疗记录以临床中立的语气记录了他的行为:“案主相信自己正因滔天罪行受审,并站立数小时接受审判……”另一份文件说,他“仍处于妄想状态,带有宗教主题,认为自己因所有世俗的小过错而遭受惩罚和迫害。会笔直僵硬地站在想象中的‘火湖’里,‘等待天使来救我’。会不时说出看到救赎天使、天堂光束或其他天堂生物/人物的幻视……睡在地板上而非床垫上。当提供床架时……表示有意练习‘向后倒下’……以测试是否会被天使接住。如果被接住,他就得救了。’”除了与那些声音对话,雷很少说话。

Worried about his rapid decline, the family successfully petitioned a judge to release Ray from prison and move him to a nursing facility. Relieved, Melynda called over twenty facilities, but she recalls that it took a year for one to accept him. When he was released from prison, Ray had served two years and lost forty pounds on his already lean frame. His family expected him to die. But Ray got better. His hallucinations became less threatening. He started eating again. “There was no darkness around him anymore,” his daughter Caryn remembers tenderly. “He became chubby. He would eat so much junk food, but nobody cared. We would just give it to him. When I’d go see him, I’d take him whatever he wanted, because we were just so happy to see him smiling and happy. Whenever he would get to come to the house, he would let the girls brush his hair.”

担心他急剧恶化,家人成功向法官申请将雷从监狱释放,并转入一家护理机构。梅琳达松了一口气,她打电话联系了二十多家机构,但她回忆说,花了一年时间才有一家机构接收他。雷出狱时,已服刑两年,原本就清瘦的身体又掉了四十磅肉。家人以为他会死。但雷好转了。他的幻觉变得不那么具有威胁性。他又开始吃东西了。“他身边再也没有那种黑暗了,”他的女儿卡琳温柔地回忆道。“他变得胖乎乎的。他会吃很多垃圾食品,但没人在意。我们就给他吃。我去看他的时候,他想吃什么我就带什么,因为我们看到他笑眯眯、开开心心的样子就特别高兴。每当他能回家的时候,他都会让女孩子们给他梳头发。”

For the Howells, the C9orf72 F.T.D. diagnosis absolved Ray not only of his crimes. For some of his children, it also explained his decades of infidelity. Their forgiveness is so absolute that several family members described Ray’s patients as the ones who had taken advantage of him. A genetic diagnosis can do this—it can make outcomes feel inevitable. Melynda remembered that, back in the nineties, when she had confronted Ray about his affair, he couldn’t explain himself, “which told me it wasn’t the Ray that I met when I was fifteen. He had ‘why’s for everything. He knew this was wrong, but he didn’t know why it was going that way. Knowing who he was, knowing that he actually loved me, and he loved the kids, and he loved his life, and he loved the Lord, and he loved studying, and he loved medicine, it just never fit in.”

对豪厄尔一家来说,C9orf72额颞叶痴呆的诊断不仅赦免了雷的罪行。对他的一些孩子来说,这也解释了他几十年的不忠。他们的原谅是如此彻底,以至于几位家庭成员将雷的病人描述为占他便宜的人。一个基因诊断可以做到这一点——它能让结果感觉是不可避免的。梅琳达记得,早在九十年代,当她质问雷的婚外情时,他无法解释自己,“这告诉我,那不是我十五岁时遇到的那个雷。他对任何事都有‘为什么’。他知道这是错的,但他不知道为什么事情会那样发展。了解他的为人,知道他实际上爱我,爱孩子们,爱他的生活,爱主,爱学习,爱医学,这根本就说不通。”

Ray spent four years in the nursing home. He was still quietly hallucinating, but he was also sweet, issuing medical advice to other patients and to staff. In 2018, he died peacefully in bed, with Melynda and their children at his side.

雷在养老院度过了四年。他仍然安静地产生幻觉,但他也很和蔼,向其他病人和工作人员提供医疗建议。2018年,他在床上安详离世,梅琳达和孩子们陪伴在他身边。

Salvatore Spina, a neurologist and neuropathologist at the Memory and Aging Center, which is overseen by Miller, opened the door to a four-degree °C room and we stepped into darkness, engulfed in a loud hum. He flipped on a neon light. The walls were lined with brains. “We have a collection here that goes back more than a decade, several hundreds of them,” Spina said, gesturing at the shelves stacked with plastic containers with little blue handles.

萨尔瓦托雷·斯皮纳是米勒主管的记忆与衰老中心的一位神经学家和神经病理学家,他打开一间四摄氏度房间的门,我们步入黑暗,被一阵响亮的嗡嗡声吞没。他打开一盏霓虹灯。墙壁上排满了大脑。“我们这里的收藏可以追溯到十多年前,有几百个,”斯皮纳指着堆满带蓝色小把手塑料容器的架子说。

Ray had decided to donate his brain to science. After he died, a U.C.S.F. team arranged for his brain to be transported to San Francisco, where it was weighed, photographed, sliced, and stained. Even before patients develop signs of dementia, the C9orf72 mutation produces abnormal proteins called dipeptide repeats, which aggregate inside brain cells. A protein called p62 labels these abnormal proteins for degradation. Later, yet another protein called TDP-43 tends to build up inside brain cells, killing them and causing the brain to shrink.

雷决定将自己的大脑捐献给科学。他去世后,加州大学旧金山分校的一个团队安排将他的大脑运到旧金山,在那里进行了称重、拍照、切片和染色。甚至在患者出现痴呆迹象之前,C9orf72突变就会产生称为二肽重复序列的异常蛋白质,这些蛋白质在脑细胞内聚集。一种叫做p62的蛋白质会标记这些异常蛋白质以便降解。随后,另一种叫做TDP-43的蛋白质往往会在脑细胞内积聚,杀死细胞并导致大脑萎缩。

After hearing so much about Ray, I was excited to see how the disease had quietly worked its way through his brain. One of the reasons I became a neurologist was the satisfaction of suspecting a disease, hunting for it, and seeing evidence with my own eyes: a muscle fasciculation, an epileptiform discharge, a lesion on an MRI. Making a neurological diagnosis feels like solving a mystery, and the diseases typically leave a trace.

听了这么多关于雷的事情,我很兴奋地想看看疾病是如何悄无声息地在他大脑中蔓延的。我成为神经科医生的原因之一,就是那种怀疑某种疾病、追查它、并亲眼看到证据的满足感:一次肌肉束颤、一次癫痫样放电、核磁共振上的一个病灶。做出神经科诊断就像解开一个谜团,而这些疾病通常会留下痕迹。

Spina located Ray’s container, carried it to a fume hood, and snapped open the handles. Gingerly, he lifted out bundles of cheesecloth, unwrapped the bundles, and, in his gloved hands, fanned out wet, rubbery slabs of Ray’s brain. “This is the orbitofrontal cortex, important for social functioning, social cognition, and preventing us from making bad decisions. To my eyes, that area looks essentially normal.”

斯皮纳找到了雷的容器,把它拿到通风橱前,啪地打开把手。他小心翼翼地拎出几捆纱布,解开包裹,用戴着手套的手,像扇子一样展开雷那湿漉漉、橡胶般的大脑切片。“这是眶额皮层,对社交功能、社会认知以及防止我们做出错误决定很重要。在我眼里,那个区域看起来基本正常。”

He flipped through more brain slabs. “Even the deepest regions of the brain here look over-all normal. The amygdala, the putamen, the globus pallidus, the caudate nucleus, the cerebellum,” he said. “Maybe the thalamus looks a tiny bit smaller in the posterior portion,”—he held up a slab of brain and squinted at it—“but we also know that it’s a very difficult judgment to do with the naked eye.”

他翻看了更多的大脑切片。“即使大脑最深处的区域,整体看起来也正常。杏仁核、壳核、苍白球、尾状核、小脑,”他说。“也许丘脑后部看起来稍微小了一点点,”——他举起一片大脑切片,眯着眼看——“但我们也知道,用肉眼做这种判断非常困难。”

Normal was not what I expected. But, I assumed, the truth would become clearer under the microscope. Spina replaced the brain slabs, returned the container to the cold room. In his office, he showed me a copy of Ray’s neuropathology report.

正常并非我所预期的。但我想,真相在显微镜下会变得更清晰。斯皮纳放回大脑切片,把容器送回冷室。在他的办公室里,他给我看了一份雷的神经病理学报告副本。

At death, Ray’s brain weighed 1,420 grams, a normal weight. Under the microscope, the neuropathologist had seen evidence of C9orf72—there was abnormal p62 staining in Ray’s thalamus and several other brain structures. But Ray’s brain did not stain positive for abnormal TDP-43 aggregates, which are almost always seen in patients who are symptomatic from C9orf72 F.T.D.

去世时,雷的大脑重1420克,属于正常重量。在显微镜下,神经病理学家看到了C9orf72的证据——在雷的丘脑和其他几个大脑结构中存在异常的p62染色。但雷的大脑并未对异常的TDP-43聚集体呈阳性染色,而这种聚集体在因C9orf72额颞叶痴呆出现症状的患者中几乎总能看到。

I left Spina’s office that day feeling anxious. It bothered me that, even years after his criminal behavior and after Ray had died from dementia, his preserved, sliced, and stained brain lacked the feature seen in the great majority of patients who are sick with his disease. This was one of many moments when studying Ray Howell felt like shifting from one foot to the other. Blaming Ray, then blaming his disease.

那天离开斯皮纳的办公室时,我感到焦虑。让我困扰的是,即使在他犯罪行为发生多年后,在雷因痴呆去世后,他那被保存、切片和染色的大脑,却缺少了绝大多数患有他这种疾病的患者身上都有的特征。这是研究雷·豪厄尔时,让我感觉像在左右摇摆的众多时刻之一。一会儿责怪雷,一会儿又责怪他的疾病。

It turns out that Ray Howell is one of only a handful of patients with C9orf72 mutations and profound, progressive, F.T.D-like behavior ending in death, who fail to show abnormal TDP-43 protein inclusions in their brains at autopsy. Bill Seeley, a neurologist and C9orf72 expert at the U.C.S.F. Memory and Aging Center, who evaluated Ray’s brain after he died, explained that in such cases, the mutation may first cause subtle molecular changes in the thalamus that disable what he and his colleagues call the “salience network,” which imbues internal and external stimuli with emotional weight. That damage—so subtle it wasn’t noted on Ray’s MRI—disconnects the patient from their own emotions, and the emotions of others.

事实证明,雷·豪厄尔是极少数携带C9orf72突变、表现出深刻的、进行性的、类似额颞叶痴呆的行为并最终死亡,但在尸检时大脑中未显示异常TDP-43蛋白包涵体的患者之一。比尔·西利是加州大学旧金山分校记忆与衰老中心的神经学家和C9orf72专家,他在雷去世后评估了他的大脑。他解释说,在这类病例中,突变可能首先在丘脑中引起细微的分子变化,从而破坏他和同事们所称的“突显网络”,该网络赋予内部和外部刺激以情感分量。这种损伤——细微到在雷的核磁共振上都没有被注意到——切断了患者与自身情感以及他人情感的联系。

The building blocks of Ray’s crimes—compulsiveness, transgressiveness, poor boundaries—were there from early adulthood. To believe Ray’s behavior was due to C9orf72 required believing that Ray and C9orf72 were inextricable, that the mutation shaped Ray’s personality long before his dementia set in.

雷犯罪行为的构成要素——强迫性、越轨性、界限不清——从成年早期就已存在。要相信雷的行为是由C9orf72引起的,就需要相信雷和C9orf72是不可分割的,相信这个突变早在雷的痴呆症发作之前就已经塑造了他的人格。

This is the conclusion that Miller has come to. Since C9orf72 was discovered, in 2011, scientists have associated the mutation with personality traits that can start in childhood. Miller recalls patients with lifelong obsessiveness and “intense beliefs. Holistic medicine, atheism; it depends on what ideas people grab onto.” One study found that half of mutation carriers had fixed behavioral patterns, with many, according to their caregivers, “always” following rigid daily schedules. Forty-five per cent had a Ray-like pattern of “excessive exercising (mostly jogging)”, and they were “bad-tempered if they could not do this.” Miller says the disease seems to shape psychiatric function over a lifetime, “and then all of a sudden something triggers a deterioration, and at that point we call it F.T.D.”

这是米勒得出的结论。自2011年C9orf72被发现以来,科学家们已将这种突变与可能始于童年的人格特质联系起来。米勒回忆起一些患者终生都有强迫观念和“强烈的信念。整体医学、无神论;这取决于人们抓住了什么观念。”一项研究发现,一半的突变携带者有固定的行为模式,据他们的照护者说,许多人“总是”遵循刻板的日常安排。45%的人有类似雷的“过度锻炼(主要是慢跑)”模式,并且“如果不能这样做,他们就会脾气暴躁。”米勒说,这种疾病似乎在一生中塑造着精神功能,“然后突然之间,某个东西触发了恶化,到那时我们就称之为额颞叶痴呆。”

In all of Miller’s years treating people with dementia, Ray is one of the only patients who served significant time in prison. Until Ray’s final year of practice, when he was caring for some of society’s most vulnerable people, his brain still appeared to be functioning well enough that no one was willing to defy him. “This rolled out as tragically as any single case I’ve ever been involved with. Many, many losers,” Miller told me. “Here’s a man who presumably came into the world with really wonderful intentions. He wanted to be a healer. I think he got satisfaction out of healing and helping people. And as the dysfunction in his brain increased, not only was he no longer a healer, but he was in some ways predatory. So I think the tragedy of Dr. Howell is how his disease changed his good intentions into less good intentions. People in power can do horrible things.”

在米勒治疗痴呆症患者的这些年里,雷是少数几个在监狱里服过较长刑期的病人之一。直到雷行医的最后一年,当他照护着社会上一些最脆弱的人群时,他的大脑似乎仍运作良好,以至于没有人愿意违抗他。“这起案件是我参与过的所有个案中,结局最悲惨的之一。有很多很多的输家,”米勒告诉我。“这个人来到世上,大概怀着非常美好的初衷。他想成为一个医治者。我想他从医治和帮助他人中获得了满足感。而随着他大脑功能障碍的加剧,他不仅不再是一个医治者,而且在某些方面成了掠夺者。所以我认为豪厄尔医生的悲剧在于,他的疾病如何将他的善意变成了不那么善的意图。掌权者可以做出可怕的事情。”

While neuroscience can tell us who might be at risk of criminal behavior, it can’t predict which of those people will become criminals, and it can’t identify the mysterious point at which someone with a neurologic disease might lose enough decision-making control to become dangerous. In the Howell family, this problem is personal. One of the cruellest things about C9orf72 is that it has autosomal-dominant transmission: a child of a parent with a C9orf72 hexanucleotide repeat expansion has a fifty-per-cent chance of inheriting it. The Howells know this. They also know that a positive test would cause anxiety and affect their relationships, their children’s lives, their access to certain forms of insurance—and to what end? While there is promising research into using gene-therapy technology to treat C9orf72, there is currently no treatment for the mutation. So the Howells have decided not to find out who has it. Instead, they are watching one another, waiting, praying and, they hope, intervening before anything goes seriously wrong. ♦

虽然神经科学可以告诉我们谁可能有犯罪行为的风险,但它无法预测那些人中谁会变成罪犯,也无法确定一个患有神经系统疾病的人,在哪个神秘的时间点会失去足够的决策控制力而变得危险。在豪厄尔家,这个问题是切身之痛。C9orf72最残酷的一点是,它具有常染色体显性遗传模式:携带C9orf72六核苷酸重复扩增的父母,其子女有50%的几率遗传到它。豪厄尔一家知道这一点。他们也明白,阳性检测结果会引发焦虑,影响他们的人际关系、子女的生活、他们获得某些保险的资格——而这一切又是为了什么呢?尽管利用基因疗法技术治疗C9orf72的研究很有前景,但目前尚无针对该突变的治疗方法。因此,豪厄尔一家决定不去查明谁携带了它。取而代之的是,他们互相观察,等待,祈祷,并希望在任何事情严重出错之前进行干预。 ♦

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