The Haggadah tells of four children: the wise child, the wicked child, the simple child, and the child who doesn't know how to ask. We hear about these children every Passover. Here are the children we don’t hear as much about.

The hungry child

The influencer child

The child who, if he could please sit down, we could get started

The child who just read a think piece about Passover

The child who just had wine for the first time

The child who just learned about Pharaoh

The kidsplainer

The child who is asking a lot of questions but none of them have anything to do with Passover

The child who could ask a question but doesn’t really feel like it

The polite Christian child who is being very respectful of all these customs

The child who is half Jewish and quietly having an identity crisis

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (she’s everywhere!)

The child who found the afikomen before the time to look for it officially began

The child who found the afikomen before the time to look for it officially began and has already traded it for candy

The child who has created an app to help kids around the world find the afikomen before their parents even hide it

The full-grown man who is acting like a child

To all these children, we must respond as the Torah commands: “Adonai led me out of Egypt with a strong hand, and so, if you have any questions about what this all means, keep them to yourselves so we can get through this, we’re starving.”