Paris Postcard

The Anatomy of a Failure

败局解剖
From spray-on condoms to radioactive wrinkle cream, “Flops?!,” at the Musée des Arts et Métiers, in Paris, puts terrible inventions in the spotlight.
从喷雾安全套到放射性除皱霜,巴黎工艺美术博物馆的"失败之作?!"展览将糟糕的发明置于聚光灯下。
从喷雾避孕套到放射性除皱霜,巴黎工艺美术博物馆的“失败之作?!”展览将糟糕的发明置于聚光灯下。
Drawing of Marjolaine Schuch
Illustration by João Fazenda

“Why not come up with a condom that fits the man, rather than vice versa?” a German entrepreneur named Jan Vinzenz Krause once asked. His solution, the spray-on condom, which involves coating a penis with liquid latex, made it to the prototype stage only to encounter a fatal problem: the latex took up to three minutes to fully dry. Pfffffft. This is just one among hundreds of cautionary case studies awaiting visitors to “Flops?!,” an exhibition at Paris’s Musée des Arts et Métiers focussing on the “failure, bust, bomb, fiasco, debacle.” Behold the V-shaped keyboard, the hydrogen helicopter, the roller-skating Barbie that sets the rug on fire.

"为什么不能生产一种适合男性尺寸的避孕套,而非要让男性去适应它呢?"德国企业家扬·文岑茨·克劳斯曾这样问道。他提出的解决方案是喷雾式避孕套——将液态乳胶喷涂在阴茎表面。这项发明曾推进到原型阶段,却遭遇了致命难题:乳胶完全凝固需要长达三分钟。噗——这不过是巴黎工艺美术博物馆"败笔?!"特展中数百个警示案例之一。该展览聚焦"失败、破产、惨败、溃败、崩盘"主题,参观者将看到V形键盘、氢动力直升机、能让地毯起火的溜冰芭比娃娃。

“We thought it would be interesting to show that which we never show,” Marjolaine Schuch, who co-curated “Flops?!,” explained recently. “All the stuff that gets shoved under the carpet.” The show originated at a design museum in Saint-Étienne; Musée des Arts et Métiers has supplemented it with lemons from its permanent collection, such as the ten-hour decimal-time clock, used during the French Revolution. “This is the Pascaline,” Schuch said, pointing to what looked like a jewelry box covered in brass gears—an early, not entirely dependable, calculating machine conceived by Blaise Pascal. In mounting the show, Schuch and her team committed a gaffe of their own. “We didn’t include the dates of the inventions, and we immediately started getting all kinds of comments,” she confessed. The Pascaline’s label bore evidence of their cleanup job: a rubber-stamped addition reading “1642.”

"我们觉得,展示那些从不示人的东西会很有意思,"联合策展人玛乔琳·舒赫(Marjolaine Schuch)近日这样解释"失败之作?!"展览的初衷,"所有那些被扫到地毯下的东西。"该展览最初在圣艾蒂安的设计博物馆展出;巴黎工艺美术博物馆则从馆藏中补充了更多"失败案例",比如法国大革命时期使用的十进制十小时制时钟。"这是帕斯卡计算器,"舒赫指着一个看似珠宝盒、表面布满黄铜齿轮的装置说——这是布莱兹·帕斯卡构想的早期计算器,但并不可靠。在布展过程中,舒赫和团队自己也犯了个小失误。"我们没标注发明日期,结果立刻收到各种意见,"她坦言。帕斯卡计算器的标签上还留着他们补救的痕迹:一个橡皮图章加盖的"1642"字样。

Nearby, a screen displayed e-mails between the investors Paul Graham and Fred Wilson: “I am not sure they can take on the hotel market,” Wilson writes, deciding against investing in Airbnb. Graham published the exchange on his blog in 2011, as a testament to the fact that even successful people don’t always get it right. That such a blunder might be shrugged off and even celebrated, rather than shamefully shunted away, struck Schuch as a very American notion. (Anyone who has witnessed a French schoolchild’s horror of committing “fautes” will agree.) “In France, we never talk about these steps, this groundwork, these impasses,” Schuch said. “This was an opportunity to demystify and de-dramatize failure, this idea that making a mistake is something rather serious from which one doesn’t necessarily recover.”

不远处,一块屏幕上展示着投资人保罗·格雷厄姆(Paul Graham)与弗雷德·威尔逊(Fred Wilson)的邮件往来。"我不确定他们能撼动酒店市场,"威尔逊写道,最终决定不投资爱彼迎。格雷厄姆于2011年将这段对话公开发布在博客上,以此证明即便是成功人士也难免看走眼。这种重大失误竟能被一笑置之甚至引以为荣,而非羞耻地遮掩起来——舒什觉得这想法非常美国化。(任何见过法国学童对犯"错误"(fautes)的恐惧的人都会认同。)"在法国,我们从不谈论这些过程、这些基础工作、这些死胡同,"舒什说,"这是个机会,让我们能破除对失败的迷思与戏剧化想象——那种认为犯错是件严重到可能无法挽回之事的观念。"

Not every downfall has an upside, as early adopters of Tho-Radia, a line of thorium- and radium-based face creams, promoted by Dr. Alfred Curie—no relation to Marie—soon learned. And then there’s London’s “Walkie-Talkie” building: a skyscraper whose convex shape caught the sun like a magnifying glass, melting cars. In addition to such “dangerous flops,” the exhibit features inventions that fizzled because they were expensive and unnecessary (the Juicero juicing machine), poorly designed (the Vasa, a Swedish warship that sunk on its maiden voyage), or simply ahead of their time (La Jamais Contente, a speedy electric car that came out in 1899). “Everybody forgets that electric vehicles were invented at the same time as combustion-powered vehicles,” Schuch said. A case nearby contained an old Michelin guide, listing charging stations in every city.

并非每一次失败都有其积极面,正如早期使用索拉迪亚(Tho-Radia)系列面霜的人们很快发现的那样——这款面霜含有钍和镭成分,由阿尔弗雷德·居里博士(Dr. Alfred Curie,与玛丽·居里无亲属关系)推广。伦敦的"对讲机大楼"亦是如此:这座摩天楼的凸面造型像放大镜一样聚焦阳光,曾导致多辆汽车熔化。除了这类"危险败笔",展览还呈现了因价格昂贵且不实用(榨汁机品牌Juicero)、设计缺陷(瑞典战舰瓦萨号首航即沉没)或生不逢时(189年问世的快速电动汽车"永不满足号")而黯然收场的发明。"人们都忘了电动汽车与燃油车其实是同时代诞生的,"舒赫说道。展柜里陈列着一本老旧的米其林指南,其中列出了每个城市的充电站。
Dog dressed as chef standing before man and woman in living room.
“I think he wants homemade dog food.”
我觉得他是想吃家里做的狗粮。
Cartoon by Victoria Roberts
Copy link to cartoon
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Of all the categories of fuckups, perhaps the most jaw-dropping is the “faux pas,” demonstrating, according to the museum’s literature, “at best tactlessness, and, at worst, bad intentions.” A crowd gawked at such specimens as a hollow golf club that one can urinate into and the pastel-toned Bic for Her ballpoint pen, designed “to fit comfortably into a woman’s hand” (though perhaps not into her wallet, as the product cost up to seventy per cent more than non-gendered pens). In 2014, Zara released a blue-and-white-striped child’s shirt embellished with a yellow star. It was meant to evoke a sheriff’s uniform, but, for many, it called to mind concentration camps.

在所有搞砸的类别中,最令人瞠目的或许是"社交失礼"——根据博物馆文献记载,这类失误"往轻了说是不得体,往重了说就是居心不良"。人群围着展品啧啧称奇:比如那支能当尿壶用的空心高尔夫球杆,还有柔粉色系的"为她设计"比克圆珠笔,号称"完美贴合女性手型"(却未必贴合她们的钱包——这款产品比非性别化圆珠笔贵出七成)。2014年,Zara曾推出一件蓝白条纹童衫,胸前缀着黄色星星。本意是模仿警长制服,但在许多人眼中,这图案唤起的却是集中营记忆。

Schuch led the way through a room wallpapered with whimsical non-starters dreamed up by the artist Jacques Carelman: a sinuous Ping-Pong table, transparent playing cards. A section devoted to transportation offered such wonders of disappointment as a shuttle bus, proposed for the La Défense district near Paris, that progressed twice as slowly as a person on foot. The food-processing sector proved equally inadequate: Colgate lasagna, anyone? Schuch paused in front of a Tetra Pak carton of Côtes du Rhône, noting that while such packaging had gone over fine in Nordic countries, French consumers had rejected it vehemently. “Wine in a carton,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s impossible, psychologically.”

舒赫领路穿过一个房间,墙上贴满了艺术家雅克·卡勒曼设计的异想天开却注定失败的作品:一张蜿蜒曲折的乒乓球桌,一副透明扑克牌。交通展区陈列着令人叹为观止的失望之作,比如为巴黎近郊拉德芳斯区设计的接驳巴士——其行进速度竟比行人步行还慢一倍。食品加工领域同样乏善可陈:高露洁千层面,有人想尝尝吗?舒赫在一盒采用利乐包装的罗讷河谷葡萄酒前驻足,指出这种包装虽然在北欧国家大受欢迎,却遭到法国消费者的强烈抵制。"用纸盒装葡萄酒,"她摇头道,"从心理上就让人无法接受。"

In the final gallery, a line had formed in front of an arcade-game-shaped kiosk where museumgoers could play something called “Flop or Top?,” voting on the desirability of new inventions. Sixty per cent, so far, were in favor of an invisibility cape made from lenticular lenses. More than ninety thousand people had visited the exhibition, with a month to go. “It’s not a lot for some museums, but it’s enormous for us,” Schuch said. Only somewhat inconveniently, “Flops?!” was a big success. ♦

在最后一个展厅,一台街机形状的互动装置前排起了长队,参观者可以玩一个名为"爆款还是扑街?"的游戏,对各类新发明的吸引力进行投票。截至目前,六成参与者对一款由柱镜光栅制成的隐形斗篷投了赞成票。距展览结束还有一个月时,参观人数已突破九万。"对某些大型博物馆来说这不算多,但对我们而言已是盛况空前,"舒赫说道。略带讽刺的是,《扑街?!》这个展览本身却大获成功。♦

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