I’m so excited to see you this weekend! It’s been way too long. What’s that? Oh, yeah, totally. Of course you can bring your husband along.

I actually love when your husband joins us. Sure, it was just going to be the two of us, but now it’s going to be the three of us, by which I mean that it’ll be the two of you, plus me. Which is great, because you and I did all the logistical planning, and now your husband gets to benefit from our efforts while also adding his belated two cents about how “we should have gone to that new steak place” and “we can’t stay out too late because of work tomorrow.” Which is such a good point, even though we’re meeting at noon.

No, really, making small talk with your life partner is a wonderful way for me to practice my conversational skills. It’s fun when he goes on and on about his boring and seemingly evil corporate job, which I can’t comment on, of course, because then you two will get into a fight about it later and blame me. Seriously, it’s electrifying how many third rails exist whenever he’s around, such as politics, or any subject that doesn’t revolve around him. And when he’s being condescending about some of our favorite topics, such as “The Real Housewives,” it’s exciting to feel like it’s our job to steer the conversation back to his interests.

I also love the way he never asks me any questions, as if he’s playing a one-man improv game in which he can only communicate through declarative statements.

Honestly, I was hoping to be vulnerable and discuss some difficult personal stuff with you, but you know what? That can wait. It’s not like it took us five months to find this time to meet up. What’s a few more hundred days to receive the support I could really use right now? Or I guess I could open up with your husband sitting there, while he half-listens and checks e-mail on his phone. I’m thrilled to have my private life be fodder for your gossip on the drive home. And this way we can forgo the illusion that you’re not repeating what I share to your spouse anyway, and I can experience firsthand his dismissive and belittling takes on my life choices.

I’m not trying to be rude, but doesn’t your husband have friends he could spend time with while we hang out? Oh, he never makes his own plans? Really? Cool, cool. Well, then, let me just say that it’s genuinely an honor to help solve the male-loneliness epidemic, one husband at a time. I feel privileged to be a part of the solution by letting your spouse cosplay friendship for an afternoon. Really, I should be expressing my gratitude to you and your husband for letting me be a part of the change I wish to see.

In fact, I will express my gratitude. At the end of the hang, I’ll be sure to thank the two of you for the lovely outing. I might even say, “We should do this again some time!,” owing to my people-pleasing tendencies, which I’ll spend the next few weeks working through in therapy. I love leaving a get-together with my dear friend feeling vaguely extraneous and heartwrenchingly nostalgic for a time in our lives when including partners in absolutely every activity wasn’t the norm.

But yes! Definitely bring him along. I can’t wait. ♦