How, in this day and age, do you make it abundantly clear that you love to read? Sure, you can carry around a giant book, buy a tote that says “I Love Reading,” or carry an e-reader in a tote that says “I Love Reading on My E-reader (I’m NOT Looking at the Internet).” But the easiest way to inform people that you are literary is by hosting a reading series. You’ll want yours to have a catchy premise. Here are some we’re thinking about.

Oops! All Trauma: A totally unthemed reading series across all genres, at which fiction writers, poets, and essayists all happen to read the most depressing shit you have ever heard in your life. Sorry about your cousin!

Schadenfreude: Every piece is in German. We do not speak German.

A Hundred Thousand Words: A reading series at which all the pieces are just too good to edit down.

Nice . . . Seeing You?: Everyone in the audience of this reading series looks vaguely familiar. Is that weird-looking guy literary-famous, or did one of us sleep with him in 2014? Did that girl write a buzzy essay in The Cut, or does she just look like every other brown-haired lady we have ever seen?

Mike Drop: A reading series at which the microphone keeps malfunctioning. Some people choose to abandon it, saying, “You know what? I don’t need the mike!” Those people absolutely need the mike.

Sick Piece!: All the readers are sneezing, sniffling, congested, feverish, or hacking up a lung. There is no more intimate way to become a member of the literati than by catching your favorite writer’s whooping cough.

Snack Attack: A reading series at which the writing is probably good, but there’s really no way to know, because snacks are provided, and the snacks are carrots and stale Doritos.

Copy-Paste: Everything is plagiarized.

Caps Lock: Everything is yelled.

Can a Metaphor Be a Simile? Everything is poetry (pejorative).

Just “War and Peace”: Everyone takes turns reading “War and Peace” out loud, followed by a discussion of the book that is not really about the book. (This is also known as a book club.)

My Midlife Crisis Is New and Different: A series at which everyone reads a piece about their midlife crises, each of which makes us even more sure that our midlife crises are new and different.

Next Time, on “Couples Therapy”: Everyone writes about their least favorite couple on “Couples Therapy.”

Next Time, on “Couples Therapy” (Illegal Edition): We kidnap Orna and force her to read all her session notes and reveal where she gets her clothes.

A Reading-Series Zine: A Reading Series: This is a reading series. But it’s also a zine. The zine is mandatory. It costs a hundred and fourteen dollars. But you can carry it around in public to let everyone know that you love reading! ♦