“Yesteryear” was the book of the summer, leaving the nation divided into three camps: people trying to discuss the end of “Yesteryear,” people forced to walk around wearing shirts that say “Don’t tell me what happens at the end of ‘Yesteryear’ (I haven’t finished it yet),” and people who have not read a book since 2017 and will never again read a book in their lives (seventy per cent of Americans).

Although I don’t think I could be the kind of trad wife described in “Yesteryear”—a stay-at-home mom who drinks raw milk while wearing a pioneer-lady costume—here are some kinds of trad wife that I could be.

Trad Wife (Outfit Only): I totally look like I’m in a sexy version of “Little House on the Prairie,” but I refuse to do a single chore because I’m, like, “No way I’m splashing this dress with dishwater, it cost me five hundred dollars at Doên.”

Trad Wife (Supplies Only): I own four Mason jars.

Farmer’s Wife Adjacent: Let’s be honest, being a farmer is very difficult. I could not be a farmer or a farmer’s wife (also known as a farmer), but I could and in fact have lived adjacent to a farm and stolen their corn.

Airbnb Trad Wife: Constantly browsing farm-style listings for a cute weekend upstate, but never booking any and instead just panic-buying a tomato at the Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket.

Proud Sourdough Mom: I get a sourdough starter but feeding it is so stressful that I feel like I have a pet dog. Being the owner of a sourdough starter becomes my entire personality.

Far-left Trad Wife: Shockingly similar to far-right trad wife, but with fewer children and zero Bibles. Will garden to reduce my carbon footprint, and remain vigilant so as not to accidentally start an ecoterrorist cult.

I Woke Up Like This Trad Wife: I somehow learn to sleep in a nightgown, and look cute doing so, instead of sleeping in it and flipping around so much in the night that it strangles me.

Ashamed Sourdough Mom: I’m still feeding my starter but I never have time to bake and so actually, yes, I bought this loaf at the bakery.

Farmer’s Wife (Virtual): I’m a farmer’s wife a.k.a. a farmer but in the video game Stardew Valley, where all you do is have a farm.

Farmer’s Wife (Virtual, Adjacent): O.K., to be totally honest, I have never touched a video-game controller, but I could and in fact have sat next to a friend playing Stardew Valley.

Goose Regret Trad Wife: I buy a bunch of geese because I think that’s something a trad wife would do but then immediately remember that geese have bad attitudes so I try to pretend that they’re just random geese I didn’t spend seven hundred dollars on and I’m, like, “Where did all these geese come from? Ha ha.”

“Oh, My God, I’m Basically a Trad Wife!”: I loudly exclaim to an empty room after I vacuum for the first time in a month.

Cow Friend: I have a friend who is a cow.

Trad Girlfriend: I’m wearing my natural-fibre aprons, and I’m growing produce in a state west of the Rockies, but I can’t get my boyfriend to marry me.

Trad Domestic Partner: The feminist dream. ♦