Shouts & Murmurs

If You Ask Me: Save the Rich White Women

依我看:拯救富有的白人女性
April 21, 2026
Nicole Kidman looking at her hand with blood splattered on her face.
Photograph courtesy Everett

For many years, Libby Gelman-Waxner, then an assistant buyer in juniors’ activewear, moonlighted for Premiere magazine and Entertainment Weekly as the world’s most beloved and irresponsible movie critic. Now she’s been coaxed out of retirement to make her mark in online criticism, at the urging of her close personal friend, the novelist and New Yorker contributor Paul Rudnick.

多年来,莉比·格尔曼-瓦克斯纳白天是青少年运动服饰部的助理采购员,晚上则为《首映》杂志和《娱乐周刊》撰稿,担任全世界最受喜爱也最不负责任的影评人。如今,在她密友——小说家兼《纽约客》撰稿人保罗·拉德尼克的敦促下,她重出江湖,决心在网络评论界留下自己的印记。

As a deputy associate in designer activewear at Amazon, specializing in distressed-denim-with-stretch, I keep my eye out for cultural trends. My new favorite genre is Rich White Women with Emotional Problems in Peril on Streaming Shows. Examples include Nicole Kidman as a successful romance novelist with a shady past in “The Perfect Couple,” Nicole Kidman as a beautiful therapist married to a questionable man in “The Undoing,” Nicole Kidman as an abused wife with beachfront property in “Big Little Lies,” and Nicole Kidman as a possibly unethical therapist in “Nine Perfect Strangers.” Kidman is fabulous in all of these projects, because she’s always impeccably dressed, deeply charismatic, and sometimes seems to change wigs in the middle of an onscreen conversation.

作为亚马逊设计师运动服部门的副助理,专攻做旧弹力牛仔系列,我时刻关注着文化潮流。最新让我着迷的流派是"流媒体剧中身陷险境、情感失调的富裕白人女性"。例如:妮可·基德曼在《完美伴侣》中饰演有着阴暗过往的畅销言情小说家;在《无所作为》里化身嫁给可疑丈夫的美丽心理医生;在《大小谎言》里扮演拥有海滨豪宅的受虐妻子;在《九个完美陌生人》中又成了可能违背职业道德的治疗师。基德曼在这些作品中无不光彩夺目——永远衣着精致,魅力摄人,有时甚至能在屏幕对话中途悄然变换假发。

While Kidman rules the field, up-and-comers include Julianne Moore as a wealthy cult leader in “Sirens,” and Clare Danes, who’s played a tormented C.I.A. operative in “Homeland,” a tormented lesbian memoirist in “The Beast In Me,” and a tormented show-biz agent in the truly great “Fleischman Is in Trouble.” Danes is an extraordinary actress who welcomes the most visceral challenges and the most harrowing breakdowns—she’s the grittier Bette Davis to Kidman’s shimmering Joan Crawford.

妮可·基德曼在这一领域独占鳌头,后起之秀则包括在《塞壬》中饰演富有邪教领袖的朱丽安·摩尔,以及克莱尔·丹尼斯——她在《国土安全》中饰演饱受折磨的中情局特工,在《我心中的野兽》中饰演饱受折磨的女同性恋回忆录作家,在真正杰出的《弗莱斯曼有难》中饰演饱受折磨的演艺圈经纪人。丹尼斯是位非凡的演员,她乐于接受最本能的挑战与最揪心的崩溃——若将基德曼比作流光溢彩的琼·克劳馥,丹尼斯便是更具韧性的贝蒂·戴维斯。

Here are the rules of these shows: first of all, the leads must own a stunning second home in either a Hampton or on Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard, along with an expansive place in Manhattan. There must be many rooms in these residences, with Nancy Meyers-esque open-concept kitchens, bedrooms with tufted headboards, bathrooms the size of Pfizer laboratories with dressing areas, and, of course, wraparound decks and columned porches with stunning views of assorted oceans and harbors. It’s only possible to cope with a splintering marriage and ungrateful, cross-addicted children if there’s at least one cupola with a winding staircase, overlooking a pea-gravel drive with enough square footage for a fleet of BMWs. I don’t want to see anyone suffer in a studio apartment or even a colonial. In “The Watcher,” Naomi Watts, as a gifted ceramicist, is renovating her estate, which may be haunted, presumably by someone Martha Stewart beheaded because the topiaries were ragged.

这类剧集的规则如下:首先,主角必须在汉普顿、楠塔基特岛或玛莎葡萄园岛拥有一处令人惊叹的度假别墅,同时在曼哈顿还得有宽敞的居所。这些宅邸必须拥有众多房间:南希·迈耶斯式开放式厨房、带软包床头板的卧室、堪比辉瑞实验室规模的浴室并附带更衣区,当然还得有环绕式露台和柱廊,能将各种海港风光尽收眼底。唯有当住宅至少拥有一座带螺旋楼梯的观景塔楼,俯瞰着足以停泊宝马车队、铺满豆砾石的环形车道时,剧中人物才能应对婚姻破裂与沉迷毒品的叛逆子女——我可不想看任何人在单间公寓甚至殖民地风格住宅里受苦。在《窥视者》中,娜奥米·沃茨饰演的天才陶艺家正在翻修她那可能闹鬼的庄园,闹鬼缘由大概是玛莎·斯图尔特曾因树篱修剪不齐而在此处斩首过谁。

Next, our leading ladies must have attracted the dreamiest if often corrupt husbands, played by the likes of Hugh Grant, Kevin Bacon, Bobby Cannavale, Liev Schreiber, and Alexander Skarsgård. These handsome galoots may cheat on their spouses or worse, but this allows the women to smolder in drifting chiffon. Their children are either troubled or spoiled, and remain largely interchangeable—they exist to not appreciate their stunning, tightly wound moms. (“You have plenty of time for your millions of followers, but not even five minutes for me!”) If a child is under ten years old, they will be coddled and protected from danger, like homeschooled Birkin bags. The women rarely have close friends, only rival hostesses and often down-market sisters. In “The Better Sister,” Jessica Biel reckons with the slutty, drunken Elizabeth Banks invading her Hamptons abode, while in “Sirens,” Julianne Moore copes with a pop-in by the slutty, drunken Meghann Fahy (one of her many staff members’ siblings). These bad girls serve as foils, waking up at 7 A.M. after blurting long-buried family secrets and passing out on the manicured lawn. Banks and Fahy are sensational, and both get to smoke even after they’ve been told not to because the smell might infest the chintz drapes in the breakfast room.

接下来,我们的女主角们必须吸引到那些最迷人、却往往品行不端的丈夫——由休·格兰特、凯文·贝肯、鲍比·坎纳瓦尔、列维·施瑞博尔和亚历山大·斯卡斯加德这类演员饰演。这些英俊的莽汉或许会背叛妻子,甚至做出更糟的事,但这恰恰让女主人公们得以身着飘逸的雪纺长裙,在隐忍中燃烧。她们的孩子要么问题重重,要么娇纵任性,且大多面目模糊——这些孩子的存在,似乎只是为了衬托母亲们那令人惊叹的美丽与紧绷的神经。("你有大把时间应付你那几百万粉丝,却连五分钟都不肯给我!")若孩子不满十岁,他们便会被小心翼翼地呵护,远离一切危险,宛如在家接受教育的铂金包。这些女性鲜有密友,身边只有争奇斗艳的女主人同行,以及常常来自"下只角"的姐妹。在《更好的姐姐》中,杰西卡·贝尔不得不应付放浪形骸、酩酊大醉的伊丽莎白·班克斯闯入她在汉普顿的宅邸;而在《塞壬》里,朱丽安·摩尔则要应对同样放浪酗酒的梅格翰·法希(她众多员工之一的姐妹)突然造访。这些"坏女孩"作为陪衬,总在清晨七点醒来,脱口说出埋藏多年的家族秘密后,便昏倒在修剪整齐的草坪上。班克斯与法希的表演极具感染力,两人都在被告知"早餐室的印花棉布窗帘会沾染烟味"后依然点燃香烟——这一刻,角色便有了灵魂。

The plots of these shows usually center on a murder, which occurs not so much to end a human life as to inconvenience our star, who must postpone a brunch or a media event to conceal an inconvenient corpse. Bloody, mutilated bodies are often discovered as our heroines are returning alone, after midnight, from a museum fund-raiser, causing them to kneel in an evening gown to ascertain the victim’s identity, and then burn their now blood-stained Dior. During the next few days, they are forced to speak with various detectives, who are either jealous townies, grizzled veterans, or potential new love interests—I’m not sure why Dick Wolf hasn’t done a “Law & Order: Amagansett.”

这类剧集的情节通常围绕一桩谋杀案展开——命案的发生与其说是终结了某个生命,不如说是给我们的女主角添了麻烦:她不得不推迟早午餐或媒体活动,只为藏匿一具碍事的尸体。午夜过后,当女主角独自参加完博物馆筹款活动归来时,常会发现血肉模糊的尸骸,迫使她们穿着晚礼服跪地确认死者身份,然后烧掉那件血迹斑斑的迪奥礼服。随后的几天里,她们不得不与各路侦探周旋——这些侦探要么是嫉妒心重的小镇居民,要么是头发花白的老警探,要么是潜在的新恋情对象。真不明白为什么迪克·沃尔夫还没拍一部《法律与秩序:阿默甘西特篇》。

Plot twists abound, abetted by wardrobe changes from riding attire to peignoirs, as the women receive mysterious, threatening texts from unknown sources, causing the actresses to attempt to furrow their unlined brows and snap at their nosy neighbors: “Abigail, I need you to go home now.” It’s understood that there’s nothing more difficult than being a successful editor, therapist, or author, even with a stash of pill bottles in a wicker basket beside an opulent floral arrangement. These modern-day warrior goddesses are being tested by lesser creatures, including personal assistants pressuring them to finalize dates for Paris or Ibiza (“where you can finally take some time for yourself”).

剧情转折层出不穷,得益于从骑装到睡袍的服饰变换——当这些女性收到来源不明的神秘威胁短信时,女演员们试图在光洁的额头上蹙起皱纹,对爱管闲事的邻居厉声呵斥:"阿比盖尔,你现在必须回家。"人们心照不宣:即便在奢华花艺旁摆着藤篮,里面装满各色药瓶,世上再没有什么比成为成功的编辑、治疗师或作家更艰难的事了。这些现代女战神正遭受着次等生物的考验,包括那些不断催促她们确定巴黎或伊维萨岛行程的私人助理("您终于能在那里享受属于自己的时光了")。

The final, climactic episode of each show will include past crimes exposed (“I was an escort—your mother was a paid escort!”), homicides avenged (“Did you really think you’d get away with strangling our child’s nanny once she’d rejected you?”), and scores settled (“Yes, detective, I shot my husband, and there’s not a jury in the world that’ll convict me—at least not a jury with any women on it.”). The conclusions can be glamorously ambiguous, as our dames stride from their shingle-style mansions and board hulking S.U.V.s, to ferry them to the ferry to the mainland, and from there to a private jet, for a future free of sneering spouses who’ve been suitably handcuffed.

每部剧的终章高潮,总会揭穿过往罪行("我曾是应召女郎——你母亲是收费的应召女郎!"),为谋杀复仇("你真以为勒死拒绝你的保姆后能逍遥法外?"),并清算旧账("是的警探,我枪杀了丈夫,世上没有陪审团会判我有罪——至少没有女性陪审员的法庭不会")。结局可以华丽而暧昧——当我们的女主角们阔步走出木瓦风格豪宅,登上庞然SUV,乘渡轮驶离岛屿,再转乘私人飞机远去。前方是挣脱讥讽配偶的未来,而那些人已被妥帖地铐在往事里。

You may be asking, “But, Libby, you’re an accomplished woman of Manhattan—do these stories represent your life?” Let me respond by saying that my life is exactly like these shows, only with crumpled bags of sweet-and-savory popcorn in every room, and me occasionally wearing stained sweatpants to retrieve FedEx boxes from my apartment-building lobby. I’m hopelessly addicted to these shows because they’re upscale soaps with A-list casts and art direction to die for. Plus, there’s usually a loyal housekeeper insisting, “You look so beautiful, Miss Catherine. Would you like me to stay late tonight? It’s no problem.” The rich folks are besieged by scandals and unwelcome trips to the local precinct, but the women are rarely guilty of anything other than poor judgment in third husbands, and they emerge vindicated, with their book sales intact. This is satisfying because in a real world gone genuinely mad, we need to keep our Oscar winners safe and well lit.

你可能会问:"可是,莉比,你明明是曼哈顿的成功女性——这些剧集真能代表你的生活吗?"请容我这样回答:我的生活与这些剧集如出一辙,唯一的区别是每个房间都散落着皱巴巴的咸甜口味爆米花袋,而我偶尔会穿着沾了污渍的运动裤去公寓大堂取联邦快递包裹。我无可救药地沉迷于这些剧集,因为它们堪称高端肥皂剧——全明星阵容,美术设计令人惊艳。更何况剧中总会有位忠心的管家坚持说:"凯瑟琳小姐,您今天真美。需要我今晚加班吗?完全没问题。"富豪们总被丑闻缠身,还得不情不愿地去警局报到,但那些女士们除了在挑选第三任丈夫时眼光欠佳外,几乎从未真正犯错,最终总能洗清污名,书籍销量也毫发无损。这种设定令人宽慰,因为在这个真正陷入疯狂的现实世界里,我们总得让奥斯卡奖得主们安然无恙地活在聚光灯下。

These shows are the current equivalent of what were once called “women’s pictures,” meaning tales with richly developed characters, complex story lines, and few intergalactic laser battles. (The warfare is limited to face-offs between younger mistresses and proud matriarchs in waterfront restaurants.) In other words, these programs offer actresses real opportunities as well as scenes in which they’re seated at their dressing tables putting on diamond earrings while coping with a situation involving a DNA test. I like to think that when Kidman or Danes encounter unknown callers on their phones that they hope it’s me, sending them memes of Emmy Awards in a new category called Best Waking Up with Hair Perfectly Arranged on the Pillow. Without these shows, I’d be left only with all those docudramas about serial killers, where nobody ever places crystal pitchers of freshly squeezed juice and platters of toast points on the quartz-topped kitchen island. ♦

这些剧集堪称当代的"女性电影",即那些人物塑造丰满、情节错综复杂、且鲜有星际激光大战的故事。(剧中的战争仅限于海滨餐厅里,年轻情妇与高傲女家长之间的对峙。)换言之,这些剧集不仅为女演员们提供了真正的表演机会,更呈现了诸多经典场景——她们坐在梳妆台前戴上钻石耳环,同时处理着涉及DNA检测的棘手状况。我常幻想,当妮可·基德曼或克莱尔·丹尼斯接到陌生来电时,会期待电话那头是我,正给她们发送我新设的艾美奖类别表情包:"枕上秀发完美造型奖"。若没有这些剧集,我就只能看那些关于连环杀手的纪实剧了——那些剧里从来不会有人将水晶壶盛着的鲜榨果汁和摆满烤吐司条的托盘,放在石英台面的厨房中岛上。♦

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